Today I would like to share a lesson I learned; even though you may care for someone does not mean that person has the privelege of being in your life when they have an intention of hurting you.
Let me share something with my fellow readers and friends, if a person minds you checking up on said person, then obviously there is something being hidden. I try to understand how a person can live two different lives: work friend and the ex factor. Life is a cycle and until you realize that my friend you are in for a big surprise. I was warned you like to make people have feelings for you, but I did not listen.
Tonight I answered the phone to a person who wanted to blame me for that person's life not turning the way said person wanted it to turn out. I knew better, but I wanted to hear what this person may have learned in the last ten days that we had not talked. I wanted to know why this person needed me in said person's life. I wanted to know why I was the one learning everything from this person when that person had learned nothing from me. I wanted to hear that I was important enough to be in that person's life and not just to fill a void.
The call ended with yelling. Yes, mostly from me. After being pushed around for many years and being a people pleaser I have been encouraged to be a friend to myself first. This means that you will have to break down my walls and accept that my friends hold a deep place in my heart. I will not allow you to change that, but if you would like to be apart of that you let me know. If I had been 'worth it' you would have stayed or followed through on your word to check on me. Never once did you. Again, I am not your backup plan. I am a person of worth and worth every individual piece that I am.
To everyone out there, I would like to thank you for reading. I do talk to people indirectly through this and as for this person, well I know this person will never see this nor would the person understand. Fighting hurts everyone involved. Unfortunately I have some bad news, some fights do not end in a solution, a comopromise, or even end period. If all a person wants is closure so that person feels better than I wish you luck because it is that specific reason you do not deserve the closure.
I am a person who likes closure as well, but I understand now that not everything has an ending or an ending that we want. In the story of life "the end" and "happily ever after" do not exist the same as they do in the fairytales we read or imagine. This does not mean we do not, however, deserve them.
To this 'said person,' I wish that things were different. I would have left in minutes because I am not going to sit around while you allow another person to cripple you. I do not care how much history you both share, one person should not control another. From here I am letting you chose what you think you deserve and if settling for that type of control is what you need then so be it. I remember you saying that I would not have done anything for you like I would have for my other friends. That is not true. I am, however, not going to allow someone to control my life and my choices through you. You probably do not see it that way either, do you? Didn't think so. Maybe as closure I should just ask you to move on. Nobody's feelings need to be played with anymore. You are happy with the person who has control over you. Why would you need me?
P.S. Interesting how one person can inspire so many words, huh?
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