That, my friends, was the title of my post for my current class in the analyzation of why I want to write, why I should write, or what my goals are in writing. From this heading I received, what I consider, to be a compliment: "...how could I resist the provocative header...". Somehow I feel one of those "Go team!" moments we see in movies should happen here, but I'll digress.
I wrote this header based on the idea that writing should start with the writer. I have all "this" inside that needs to come out in some shape or form of expression and for me it is writing about "this." Now does that sound completely greedy/selfish? I have heard that writers should base their writing on their audience, but if I put my audience before myself am I going to be completely honest with you?
I recently told a person that I had to "bite my tongue" during a conversation, which is hard for me, especially when I understand both sides of the conversation all too well. You ever have those conversations with another person and feel like you are just talking to yourself during a different part of your life, like a past self? I did, but during the conversation I also realized I had to shut up too. Saying too much can scare a person and saying too little will not get your point across, but saying just enough provides intrigue that eases into the true intention.
As I write here, there, and maybe a little bit everywhere like a child with a crayon against a white wall, I realize how harsh I can be knowing that sometimes an audience needs a safety net while others require the "band-aid to be ripped off." I am a band-aid person (does that not sound weird to anyone else?). Give me the truth and I will deal with it from there. I make a choice and deal with the consequences later because if you wait too long the choice is made for you which can be worse than the choice you make for yourself.
Writing allows me to organize the carousel of thoughts that whiz past my mind constantly. I have no on/off switch, unless you count taking a frying pan to the head to put me in a coma, but one topic meshes with another topic becoming psychotically no resemblance of the original thought. I mean the title itself is awkward: Writing? Greedy? How about writing honestly?
Every time I type one of these entries up or write something for any other purpose the voice of Avril Lavigne enters my head saying "With these things I'll never say." I write what I would not normally say aloud partially for the reason that there is a time and place for things to be said. Other times it is because I am ashamed of what I wrote. Who would read this? Why would you read it? Or my personal critique on myself (Perfectionist, right here, yoo hoo!), who would read this crap? I had a rough draft read recently, one that revealed a lot of my opinions towards another person. Yes, I was a bit ashamed of this draft considering it is one of those pieces where I talk to myself acknowledging "You know better." To my surprise, I was basically told not to be ashamed of it. It is not something I want to share revealing, what I view, to be a potential weakness in myself, but within time I may not be as embarrassed about a piece like this in the future. It takes time.
So in my writing I am greedy. Some of the greed I share, "gifting, " as my professor puts it, to others while some I keep to myself until it is tolerable beyond just myself. It is interesting how not everyone can handle the truth and not everyone can handle giving the truth, but writing let's me be honest...or greedy.
