Today I did some thinking about the people in my life. This had all started last night when I had a bit of trouble sleeping and when I did finally fall asleep my dreams led to a particular person. You might ask what was it about this person that let your mind journey so far? One word: ultimatum.
I do not like this word. What gives you the right to sit and force a choice when there is not enough evidence to make a choice? I was given one of these lately and due to the circumstances I know which choice this person wants me to choose. Sadly, since I have to choose and this person is trying to force me to do what that person wants I would rather choose the other. Yes, I will admit I am a bit rebellious.
My ultimatum was chosing to be friends with a person or not. Well, if I am not allowed to choose for myself because you presented the ultimatum then I will choose not to be friends. I already delt with someone choosing my life for me and that is not right. It is wrong for one person to have control over someone else. I thought it was the independent thinking that attracts you to a person not the fact you can control them.
Let me just say that when it comes to a friendship I do not want to be the one that listens all the time, I do not want to be the one that is intelectually challenged, and I want to be acknowledged for my value meaning I want you to know the purpose you need for me in your life. Keep in mind I would expect my friend to want this as well. My best relationships are the ones where both parties are equal. After so long I got sick of trying to impress this person or feeling I had to impress that I have given up until something proves otherwise. I figure if there is some value it will show itself, but things like this cannot be rushed by an ultimatum....childish actually.
If there is one thing that I have learned it is that things of worth come in their own time. If you really want it be patient (that means stomp, kick, scream, or pout to waste time) and it will reveal what you need.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Mind over heart
Today I had an eye opener. I had someone call me a cold hearted bee with an itch. I will not lie, but I was actually flattered. For once I started rationalizing things in my head before following my heart.
I am normally a person who puts others before myself. I think there is good in everyone and when someone proves me wrong I have this bad habit or addiction of taking that person back into my life. Recently I have learned that people do not change when they do not want to nor do they see what is right under their nose.
There was this guy in my life who I used to like at one point in time. I allowed myself to give into my addictions and fantasize who I thought he was only to find out that I was never good enough for him in 'that' way and he like any other male in my life preferred a woman of lesser qualities. So in recent events I find out things have not changed except my outlook. I do not care what others think of me except those who are close to me. I do not care what others are doing except those close to me. I am not going to feel anything for anyone else than for those who have already earned those feelings.
To some this is hard to grasp because my heart is cold. You do not understand. I never want to feel pain in my chest so harsh that I feel I should rip my insides out for relief. Right now I forfeit the option. I will not allow mind games to control me anymore. Many have referred to me as a wild Mustang that cannot be trained and maybe I am, but if that is what prevents any painful feeling then so be it.
I would like to give a yell out to my friends from my past trip. My heart is always with you guys. You know my past, my present, and my future. You know my dark side and the angel that sits on the other shoulder. You know where I come from and where I am going. You understand that life is just a big aventure like a kid in a candy store and we should not waste it. I love you all so much.
So what may you ask is my point? Listen to your mind so you do not pick up the trash and if you happen to find a real gem, hold onto it with your heart before it is too late. To a specific person...take it slow or walk away, what is it worth to you because I am not going to be the scapegoat anymore?
"In a relationship both must have mind or both must have heart, not one of each"
I am normally a person who puts others before myself. I think there is good in everyone and when someone proves me wrong I have this bad habit or addiction of taking that person back into my life. Recently I have learned that people do not change when they do not want to nor do they see what is right under their nose.
There was this guy in my life who I used to like at one point in time. I allowed myself to give into my addictions and fantasize who I thought he was only to find out that I was never good enough for him in 'that' way and he like any other male in my life preferred a woman of lesser qualities. So in recent events I find out things have not changed except my outlook. I do not care what others think of me except those who are close to me. I do not care what others are doing except those close to me. I am not going to feel anything for anyone else than for those who have already earned those feelings.
To some this is hard to grasp because my heart is cold. You do not understand. I never want to feel pain in my chest so harsh that I feel I should rip my insides out for relief. Right now I forfeit the option. I will not allow mind games to control me anymore. Many have referred to me as a wild Mustang that cannot be trained and maybe I am, but if that is what prevents any painful feeling then so be it.
I would like to give a yell out to my friends from my past trip. My heart is always with you guys. You know my past, my present, and my future. You know my dark side and the angel that sits on the other shoulder. You know where I come from and where I am going. You understand that life is just a big aventure like a kid in a candy store and we should not waste it. I love you all so much.
So what may you ask is my point? Listen to your mind so you do not pick up the trash and if you happen to find a real gem, hold onto it with your heart before it is too late. To a specific person...take it slow or walk away, what is it worth to you because I am not going to be the scapegoat anymore?
"In a relationship both must have mind or both must have heart, not one of each"
Sunday, July 22, 2012
The Rough Rub of Truth
"Spend you time on those that love you unconditionally... Don't waste it on those that ONLY love you when the conditions are right for them!!" -->(Understand?)
It has been one week since I attended a wedding for one of my best friends. I went through this whole week remembering that I am worth more than money can buy and worth more than childish games. Being with my friends who have been there for me through thick and thin empowered me to be more. I saw the quote above which inspired more strength, but with regret.
The strength came from a friend who told me she would always love me unconditionally, even my bad habit. The regret? I want to tell another friend that I will always love this person unconditionally, even through this person's ignorance.
I came back last weekend hoping this person would want to see me since this same person had wanted to see me before I left. Nothing yet, although part of me misses this person. I do see, however, values lie within everything that is fake. I want to ask, "Why do you allow these cheap fake people to use you? Why do you not see the quality person that I get to see when I look at you? Why do you advertise how incredible you are and not actually believe it?" Now what do I really want to say tough love style? "Get your filthy hands off the tramps! You wonder why they come to you when it is convenient for them and you wonder why they keep coming and going out of your life. It is because they do not give a rotten rat's @zz about you. Who is going to stand next to you and listen to your problems? Who is going to love you no matter what has happened to you, what is happening to you, and what is going to happen to you? Who is going to stand there, hold your hand, and tell you are worth more than cheap perfume has to offer?" Good cop:Leave them alone because if you do not you know you will end up alone. If you follow them you will leave the REAL friends you have and the FAKE ones will pass you by once they have used you up.
Right now I am tired of seeing the game. I wish you would stop buying something you are smart enough to know will not last. If you want to spend money on people and buy people....try the real friends who did not need your money in the first place.
Love,
Angel (I.V.)
It has been one week since I attended a wedding for one of my best friends. I went through this whole week remembering that I am worth more than money can buy and worth more than childish games. Being with my friends who have been there for me through thick and thin empowered me to be more. I saw the quote above which inspired more strength, but with regret.
The strength came from a friend who told me she would always love me unconditionally, even my bad habit. The regret? I want to tell another friend that I will always love this person unconditionally, even through this person's ignorance.
I came back last weekend hoping this person would want to see me since this same person had wanted to see me before I left. Nothing yet, although part of me misses this person. I do see, however, values lie within everything that is fake. I want to ask, "Why do you allow these cheap fake people to use you? Why do you not see the quality person that I get to see when I look at you? Why do you advertise how incredible you are and not actually believe it?" Now what do I really want to say tough love style? "Get your filthy hands off the tramps! You wonder why they come to you when it is convenient for them and you wonder why they keep coming and going out of your life. It is because they do not give a rotten rat's @zz about you. Who is going to stand next to you and listen to your problems? Who is going to love you no matter what has happened to you, what is happening to you, and what is going to happen to you? Who is going to stand there, hold your hand, and tell you are worth more than cheap perfume has to offer?" Good cop:Leave them alone because if you do not you know you will end up alone. If you follow them you will leave the REAL friends you have and the FAKE ones will pass you by once they have used you up.
Right now I am tired of seeing the game. I wish you would stop buying something you are smart enough to know will not last. If you want to spend money on people and buy people....try the real friends who did not need your money in the first place.
Love,
Angel (I.V.)
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Going to the Chapel and we're.....
http://youtu.be/cMfrLFirGWc
This weekend I experienced something I do not see very often in my life; another wedding. I was priveleged enough to be one of the bridesmaids and watch the ceremony from the front. I had a few flashbacks to my past, but this was not MY time. This was my friend's time and I was extremely happy for her.
The part I want to point out to everyone is based on a moment. I have a guilty pleasure, I love watching old couples walk together hand in hand as though they were two teenagers falling in love for the first time all over again. When I was younger my grandparents made it to their 50th anniversary. I remember thinking that I wanted to have a 50th anniversary when I got older. Now if I get that dream the guy is going to have to live until he is eighty years old. The reason I mention this at all is because my friend has found that 50th anniversary man that she will continue to hold hands with forever. Am I jealous? Yes, but moreso happy for her. I saw in a movie one time a character who watched the groom instead of the bride at any wedding. I have done the same for quite some time.
She started down the isle and his eyes twinkled. He was like a happy puppy eager for his bride, but those eyes said so much. I could not take my eyes off them. He told her he loved her, she was forever, she was the only one, she was his world, and all through his eyes.
Thank you, Sims, for the experience and opening my eyes. May your circuts keep running and your hardware run forever....oh wait, wrong computer program. Love you both!
This weekend I experienced something I do not see very often in my life; another wedding. I was priveleged enough to be one of the bridesmaids and watch the ceremony from the front. I had a few flashbacks to my past, but this was not MY time. This was my friend's time and I was extremely happy for her.
The part I want to point out to everyone is based on a moment. I have a guilty pleasure, I love watching old couples walk together hand in hand as though they were two teenagers falling in love for the first time all over again. When I was younger my grandparents made it to their 50th anniversary. I remember thinking that I wanted to have a 50th anniversary when I got older. Now if I get that dream the guy is going to have to live until he is eighty years old. The reason I mention this at all is because my friend has found that 50th anniversary man that she will continue to hold hands with forever. Am I jealous? Yes, but moreso happy for her. I saw in a movie one time a character who watched the groom instead of the bride at any wedding. I have done the same for quite some time.
She started down the isle and his eyes twinkled. He was like a happy puppy eager for his bride, but those eyes said so much. I could not take my eyes off them. He told her he loved her, she was forever, she was the only one, she was his world, and all through his eyes.
Thank you, Sims, for the experience and opening my eyes. May your circuts keep running and your hardware run forever....oh wait, wrong computer program. Love you both!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Green eyes
Tonight I finished my draft for school tonight and decided to do some reading of my own for personal enjoyment. The funny thing about this book is I wish that some of the events took place while others did take place. Everyone has different personalities at different times.
I will use myself as an example. There is work me who puts in her earbuds listening to classical piano music while drifting off doing her mindless job until her body says her mind is needed to knock down a particular wall. I take walks with a friend of mine and still there is part of me that is reserved because I can be offensive. The things I say can be positively cynical, negative (or as I like to call it realistic), or even sexual and not a lot of people are accepting of that. Some would rather you fit in a little box...like everyone else.
At the end of my day I am home, but not relaxed. It is here I am the student and the writer and not many have the privelege of knowing in a deep manner even though you are able to read my somewhat censored or politically corrected words on a PC screen. There is the girl that falls asleep at night in my room whose dreams fly in color. She dreams big even at the fear that what she sees will not come true.
They are all me and I am jealous of everyone of them. I cannot help that I am wild, a bit sneeky, and driven to stir things up. I cannot help that I refuse to live a life like a robot because I chose to have an adventure. Sure I may be a bit jealous of the girl I was who had the dream of a 50th anniversary like her grandparents, to be able to trust even the closest person, or to have that small girl with pigtails and blue eyes looking at you. I'm slowly accepting the fact that my hazel eyes do not need to be green anymore.
What I am is a person who needs to be tamed like a wild mustang and be saved from the rabbit hole every now and again. (Sad part is, most of you will not understand that last sentence)
Good night everyone and may your rabbit's foot bring you luck.
I will use myself as an example. There is work me who puts in her earbuds listening to classical piano music while drifting off doing her mindless job until her body says her mind is needed to knock down a particular wall. I take walks with a friend of mine and still there is part of me that is reserved because I can be offensive. The things I say can be positively cynical, negative (or as I like to call it realistic), or even sexual and not a lot of people are accepting of that. Some would rather you fit in a little box...like everyone else.
At the end of my day I am home, but not relaxed. It is here I am the student and the writer and not many have the privelege of knowing in a deep manner even though you are able to read my somewhat censored or politically corrected words on a PC screen. There is the girl that falls asleep at night in my room whose dreams fly in color. She dreams big even at the fear that what she sees will not come true.
They are all me and I am jealous of everyone of them. I cannot help that I am wild, a bit sneeky, and driven to stir things up. I cannot help that I refuse to live a life like a robot because I chose to have an adventure. Sure I may be a bit jealous of the girl I was who had the dream of a 50th anniversary like her grandparents, to be able to trust even the closest person, or to have that small girl with pigtails and blue eyes looking at you. I'm slowly accepting the fact that my hazel eyes do not need to be green anymore.
What I am is a person who needs to be tamed like a wild mustang and be saved from the rabbit hole every now and again. (Sad part is, most of you will not understand that last sentence)
Good night everyone and may your rabbit's foot bring you luck.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Welcome to the Movies
Have you ever watched a movie or a show only to look at your watch and wonder where the time went? I actually used to wonder this when I was younger. It was amazing to me how time could fly so quickly and how so much could happen in a show in that time period. Did you know that a day, a week, and years can pass right before your eyes in one hour? I remember telling my mom not to worry during her mystery shows when it came time for the solution to present itself because "a lot can happen in five minutes." It still can and even in real live.
Tonight I spent time with friends, friends I am close to, and friends who I trust. I learned that I still after the trauma in my life have a lot to learn about myself and how I need to listen to myself. Before my ex I was able to see people clearly. I was able to tell if a person was lying, telling the truth, and sometimes it was almost as if I had a psychic moment with that person. I know you are wondering where this is going. Well, I remember a feeling inside questioning what I was doing with my ex when all he wanted to do was hurt me.
I remember he would separate me from other things in his life like work or his friends. I remember he had deleted me as a friend off his social network. I know these may appear small, but they are actually clues like the bread crumbs from Hansel and Gretal that lead to an answer. That answer is lies and deceit. Questions ran through my head. Why would you delete your wife from your friends list unless you had something to hide from her? Why would you keep a person you deem special separate from the rest of your life unless you did not want others to run into her or information to be exchanged?
My socializing brought me to a deja vu moment, on that I am worried I have yet to repeat again. When you are the opposite of a Tin Man you hope for the best in people not knowing that the best could actually be the worst in a human. I had a friend who I wanted to believe held truths like this until this person acted like my ex. Let's just say I learned a lot in a short amount of time about this person.
"You merged my work and personal live together. I wanted to keep my work friends separate from my other friends."
Sounds a bit weird if not awkward.
"I hid everything on {my social network} because I just want to be able to play the games."
What if I told you that was something my ex said........word for word?
"Those are just little things and you are making such a big deal out of them."
To those of you who will read this let me cue you in on a lesson about people that most will never understand. The little things ARE a big deal because they hold the most value and control over the big things. Hiding someone in different ways separate from other things is a way of lying and hiding who you really are.
Let me give you an example of the small things that make a big difference. A man remembers it is Valentine's Day and decides to send roses to his significant other. She is happy and swooning because it is a touch gesture for the man to be romantic. Another man thinks of his significant other randomly and decides to send flowers because it would make her smile for that day. So which do you think had the biggest impact? The obligation or thoughtful gesture?
They are both nice, but I personally am more partial to the second situation. Why? A person should not have to be obligated to show a feeling or an emotion to another person because that person thinks it is required, but more so because that person wants to do the deed. The second gesture puts the other person first.
So beyond my ranting of putting others first what did I learn tonight? I know how to pick out a liar, follow my intuition, be strong enough to refocus, third time is a charm, and ........fat girls do not make much money stripping if they cannot not shake the goods properly. LOL
Peace out everyone. Good night. Pray my insomnia does not take over my whole night. :)
Tonight I spent time with friends, friends I am close to, and friends who I trust. I learned that I still after the trauma in my life have a lot to learn about myself and how I need to listen to myself. Before my ex I was able to see people clearly. I was able to tell if a person was lying, telling the truth, and sometimes it was almost as if I had a psychic moment with that person. I know you are wondering where this is going. Well, I remember a feeling inside questioning what I was doing with my ex when all he wanted to do was hurt me.
I remember he would separate me from other things in his life like work or his friends. I remember he had deleted me as a friend off his social network. I know these may appear small, but they are actually clues like the bread crumbs from Hansel and Gretal that lead to an answer. That answer is lies and deceit. Questions ran through my head. Why would you delete your wife from your friends list unless you had something to hide from her? Why would you keep a person you deem special separate from the rest of your life unless you did not want others to run into her or information to be exchanged?
My socializing brought me to a deja vu moment, on that I am worried I have yet to repeat again. When you are the opposite of a Tin Man you hope for the best in people not knowing that the best could actually be the worst in a human. I had a friend who I wanted to believe held truths like this until this person acted like my ex. Let's just say I learned a lot in a short amount of time about this person.
"You merged my work and personal live together. I wanted to keep my work friends separate from my other friends."
Sounds a bit weird if not awkward.
"I hid everything on {my social network} because I just want to be able to play the games."
What if I told you that was something my ex said........word for word?
"Those are just little things and you are making such a big deal out of them."
To those of you who will read this let me cue you in on a lesson about people that most will never understand. The little things ARE a big deal because they hold the most value and control over the big things. Hiding someone in different ways separate from other things is a way of lying and hiding who you really are.
Let me give you an example of the small things that make a big difference. A man remembers it is Valentine's Day and decides to send roses to his significant other. She is happy and swooning because it is a touch gesture for the man to be romantic. Another man thinks of his significant other randomly and decides to send flowers because it would make her smile for that day. So which do you think had the biggest impact? The obligation or thoughtful gesture?
They are both nice, but I personally am more partial to the second situation. Why? A person should not have to be obligated to show a feeling or an emotion to another person because that person thinks it is required, but more so because that person wants to do the deed. The second gesture puts the other person first.
So beyond my ranting of putting others first what did I learn tonight? I know how to pick out a liar, follow my intuition, be strong enough to refocus, third time is a charm, and ........fat girls do not make much money stripping if they cannot not shake the goods properly. LOL
Peace out everyone. Good night. Pray my insomnia does not take over my whole night. :)
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Right, No Left, Wait No Right....I'm Confused
I wanted to write a little about right and left brain thinking. Not many people think about this topic too often, but it is something that has been a dominate topic in my family. There are certain things in this world that my family sees that stereotypical normal people do not see. It was not until recently that I found a person who was so incorrect in what he was that I had to look up information on his brain.
Let me tell you about him. He is tall, can dress himself, but the way he thinks makes me wonder if his mouse is still turning the wheel in his brain. He likes to learn, likes to read textbooks, does not like to take risks, and I am going to daringly say borders OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). Now for the record this is not meant as an entry to degrade this person. I have learned many scholastic things from him, but he does not understand the other side of the brain. Since I am sarcastic I am going to say this....I am surprised the one side of his head does not weigh him down.
What is interesting is how this individual thinks that he is evenly balance in the brain when truly he has proven otherwise. I took a couple tests today on the Internet to see where my brain lands. The sad part is one test said I am dominant in the left and the other said I am dominant in the right. (No wonder I'm confused most days! I'm screwed!)
So for fun in games I have included characteristics of both sides.....of the story. Take a look because it is interesting to the result and compare to others. I must say though, at least I can keep an even head through this all. :P
I have broke this down in the lists and the boxes because....everyone needs a dose of this writer's sarcasm when looking at the lists.
Left Brain Functions:
uses logic
detail oriented-You know every time I look at this I think oriental? is that weird???
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing ????? Knowing what????
acknowledges order/pattern perception 3 letters.....O....C.....D or the word anal fits too. lol
knows object name
reality based A bit doubtful. Could this be an exaggerated form of reality because Mr. Knowitall does not have a sense of reality.
forms strategies
practical/safe OMG, I remembering him saying that he does not like to take risks because he likes to feel safe in his little box. Will a garbage can work too???
Right Brain Functions:
uses feeling I don't like to use anyone so I think this is rather mean. hahahahaha
"Big picture" oriented Grab some binoculars...enough said
imagination rules
present and future
symbols and future
philosophy and religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning) I think a lot of people look at this and say 'Get what?' Yeah, the answer is in the question.
believes
appreciates Tell me when you should not appreciate something or at least something good?
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based Yeah I don't live here either. This is my vacation home.
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking Damn straight! You do not learn anything unless you take a risk. Sure you can read a book, but you took a risk at that specific book....to possibly escape the experience. Good grief!
Now for the ying and yang ya'lls tail feathers.
Let me tell you about him. He is tall, can dress himself, but the way he thinks makes me wonder if his mouse is still turning the wheel in his brain. He likes to learn, likes to read textbooks, does not like to take risks, and I am going to daringly say borders OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). Now for the record this is not meant as an entry to degrade this person. I have learned many scholastic things from him, but he does not understand the other side of the brain. Since I am sarcastic I am going to say this....I am surprised the one side of his head does not weigh him down.
What is interesting is how this individual thinks that he is evenly balance in the brain when truly he has proven otherwise. I took a couple tests today on the Internet to see where my brain lands. The sad part is one test said I am dominant in the left and the other said I am dominant in the right. (No wonder I'm confused most days! I'm screwed!)
So for fun in games I have included characteristics of both sides.....of the story. Take a look because it is interesting to the result and compare to others. I must say though, at least I can keep an even head through this all. :P
I have broke this down in the lists and the boxes because....everyone needs a dose of this writer's sarcasm when looking at the lists.
Left Brain Functions:
uses logic
detail oriented-You know every time I look at this I think oriental? is that weird???
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing ????? Knowing what????
acknowledges order/pattern perception 3 letters.....O....C.....D or the word anal fits too. lol
knows object name
reality based A bit doubtful. Could this be an exaggerated form of reality because Mr. Knowitall does not have a sense of reality.
forms strategies
practical/safe OMG, I remembering him saying that he does not like to take risks because he likes to feel safe in his little box. Will a garbage can work too???
Right Brain Functions:
uses feeling I don't like to use anyone so I think this is rather mean. hahahahaha
"Big picture" oriented Grab some binoculars...enough said
imagination rules
present and future
symbols and future
philosophy and religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning) I think a lot of people look at this and say 'Get what?' Yeah, the answer is in the question.
believes
appreciates Tell me when you should not appreciate something or at least something good?
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based Yeah I don't live here either. This is my vacation home.
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking Damn straight! You do not learn anything unless you take a risk. Sure you can read a book, but you took a risk at that specific book....to possibly escape the experience. Good grief!
Now for the ying and yang ya'lls tail feathers.
|
LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic detail oriented facts rule words and language present and past math and science can comprehend knowing acknowledges order/pattern perception knows object name reality based forms strategies practical safe |
RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS uses feeling "big picture" oriented imagination rules symbols and images present and future philosophy & religion can "get it" (i.e. meaning) believes appreciates spatial perception knows object function fantasy based presents possibilities impetuous risk taking |
Unresolved Closure
Today I would like to share a lesson I learned; even though you may care for someone does not mean that person has the privelege of being in your life when they have an intention of hurting you.
Let me share something with my fellow readers and friends, if a person minds you checking up on said person, then obviously there is something being hidden. I try to understand how a person can live two different lives: work friend and the ex factor. Life is a cycle and until you realize that my friend you are in for a big surprise. I was warned you like to make people have feelings for you, but I did not listen.
Tonight I answered the phone to a person who wanted to blame me for that person's life not turning the way said person wanted it to turn out. I knew better, but I wanted to hear what this person may have learned in the last ten days that we had not talked. I wanted to know why this person needed me in said person's life. I wanted to know why I was the one learning everything from this person when that person had learned nothing from me. I wanted to hear that I was important enough to be in that person's life and not just to fill a void.
The call ended with yelling. Yes, mostly from me. After being pushed around for many years and being a people pleaser I have been encouraged to be a friend to myself first. This means that you will have to break down my walls and accept that my friends hold a deep place in my heart. I will not allow you to change that, but if you would like to be apart of that you let me know. If I had been 'worth it' you would have stayed or followed through on your word to check on me. Never once did you. Again, I am not your backup plan. I am a person of worth and worth every individual piece that I am.
To everyone out there, I would like to thank you for reading. I do talk to people indirectly through this and as for this person, well I know this person will never see this nor would the person understand. Fighting hurts everyone involved. Unfortunately I have some bad news, some fights do not end in a solution, a comopromise, or even end period. If all a person wants is closure so that person feels better than I wish you luck because it is that specific reason you do not deserve the closure.
I am a person who likes closure as well, but I understand now that not everything has an ending or an ending that we want. In the story of life "the end" and "happily ever after" do not exist the same as they do in the fairytales we read or imagine. This does not mean we do not, however, deserve them.
To this 'said person,' I wish that things were different. I would have left in minutes because I am not going to sit around while you allow another person to cripple you. I do not care how much history you both share, one person should not control another. From here I am letting you chose what you think you deserve and if settling for that type of control is what you need then so be it. I remember you saying that I would not have done anything for you like I would have for my other friends. That is not true. I am, however, not going to allow someone to control my life and my choices through you. You probably do not see it that way either, do you? Didn't think so. Maybe as closure I should just ask you to move on. Nobody's feelings need to be played with anymore. You are happy with the person who has control over you. Why would you need me?
P.S. Interesting how one person can inspire so many words, huh?
Let me share something with my fellow readers and friends, if a person minds you checking up on said person, then obviously there is something being hidden. I try to understand how a person can live two different lives: work friend and the ex factor. Life is a cycle and until you realize that my friend you are in for a big surprise. I was warned you like to make people have feelings for you, but I did not listen.
Tonight I answered the phone to a person who wanted to blame me for that person's life not turning the way said person wanted it to turn out. I knew better, but I wanted to hear what this person may have learned in the last ten days that we had not talked. I wanted to know why this person needed me in said person's life. I wanted to know why I was the one learning everything from this person when that person had learned nothing from me. I wanted to hear that I was important enough to be in that person's life and not just to fill a void.
The call ended with yelling. Yes, mostly from me. After being pushed around for many years and being a people pleaser I have been encouraged to be a friend to myself first. This means that you will have to break down my walls and accept that my friends hold a deep place in my heart. I will not allow you to change that, but if you would like to be apart of that you let me know. If I had been 'worth it' you would have stayed or followed through on your word to check on me. Never once did you. Again, I am not your backup plan. I am a person of worth and worth every individual piece that I am.
To everyone out there, I would like to thank you for reading. I do talk to people indirectly through this and as for this person, well I know this person will never see this nor would the person understand. Fighting hurts everyone involved. Unfortunately I have some bad news, some fights do not end in a solution, a comopromise, or even end period. If all a person wants is closure so that person feels better than I wish you luck because it is that specific reason you do not deserve the closure.
I am a person who likes closure as well, but I understand now that not everything has an ending or an ending that we want. In the story of life "the end" and "happily ever after" do not exist the same as they do in the fairytales we read or imagine. This does not mean we do not, however, deserve them.
To this 'said person,' I wish that things were different. I would have left in minutes because I am not going to sit around while you allow another person to cripple you. I do not care how much history you both share, one person should not control another. From here I am letting you chose what you think you deserve and if settling for that type of control is what you need then so be it. I remember you saying that I would not have done anything for you like I would have for my other friends. That is not true. I am, however, not going to allow someone to control my life and my choices through you. You probably do not see it that way either, do you? Didn't think so. Maybe as closure I should just ask you to move on. Nobody's feelings need to be played with anymore. You are happy with the person who has control over you. Why would you need me?
P.S. Interesting how one person can inspire so many words, huh?
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