Today my mind was somewhere else. I was confronted with a fear, a kryponite of mine. It was the fact that I'm 'not good enough.' I know for myself I am not good enough, but that is more for me to motivate myself to grow. Others seem to have a different point of view.
I am probably not alone on this, but being judged is uncomfortable. Not everyone has the same confidence level and not everyone can handle the same pressure. My mother has always told me that I am different and that if someone understands me I would be lucky. My sister reminded me that we are different in our intermediate family because our parents are divorced. I have been told I am different because I think outside the box, I have multiple piercings in my ears, five tattoos, and a will that intimidates a lot of people.
So, today part of me wished I was something different, that I could change me. I decided to put the new me in a story and live that way, which I figured I would put on my other blog. I have become so sick of ignorant people who are not mature enough to accept differences. What if you met me and just heard my voice? What if you liked the person you got to know? Why would your opinion change because of what I looked like? The only reason it would change is because you did not understand nor did you even ask to try and understand. Sometimes there is a part of me I want to share, but because of all the black and white judgemental people I do not expose ALL of me.
Then out of the blue my deceased Grandmother reminds me why, even though she was the hardest on me, she will always be my favorite. My mother sent my sister and I a package and in it was a card from my Grandma that said, "Precious things are very few--That must be why there's just one you!" After a day with all the above thoughts my head somehow cleared with those simple words. Sometimes you do not need to surrender to the judgements and let the other people realize they should open their eyes. Only way to do that......is to run into me :)
Love you Grandma S.
