This past year, like any, was about lessons. Lessons in love, friendship, and most of all personal improvement. I only plan on making one resolution this new year, which is to improve from the last.
Friendship:
I made many new friends this year whom I would not trade for the world. They are the people I can count on if I need help, trust with my life, have deep conversations about nothing, and the people who love you unconditionally. I also had to learn the difference between friends and those who are not friendship material. It is hard lesson or maybe more of an addiction that I still need to improve upon, but it is a work in progress for the new year that I can look forward to.
Work:
Even though I do like my job I need to learn to separate or even take a vacation to re-energize. Every battery needs to recharge and so do I. I also want to do more writing beyond my scholastic efforts. I have found that writing is something more that I need as a release than ever during this end of the year time. For a month I have not written anything, not even for school. My head became too full like a glass overflowing. What happens? My pen hits the paper and the ink spills over multiple pages. This is what I call encouragement to eventually write a book.
Religion:
This is still a topic I struggle with, but it is something I want more myself. During the second part of this year I have learned more and found more friends who examples of the type of people I may need in my life not only as friends, but religious encouragement. These people, without pushing, urge me to find my own way and strengthen my own path. I am very thankful, patient, and excited to see where this road takes me.
Personal:
I am still improving many aspects of this area. What can I say, I'm not perfect yet. ;) Yes, that was sarcastic. I want more mentally, physically, and more freedom to enjoy the small things. Maybe I want to acknowledge the things I am missing around me and stop worrying about things that may hurt me. I learned this year how to jump into the deep end and trust myself more.
I will say that I may not have accomplished all of my 2012 resolutions even though the ultimate goal is for improvement. Goal accomplished, now on for the new year.
Please lift your glasses...Cheers to 2013!
P.S. Don't forget to start writing 2013 instead of 2012. LOL
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Recommended Reading
This week I read a book that really moved me, motivated me, and brought memories back. This book was written by a friend of mine named Mickel Millard. His book is titled "Murder and God's Redeeming Love."
I received my copies of the book in the mail on November 23 and was excited to read it as soon as possible. In fact my roommate also became interested in the book, so we decided to have a little fun and see who could finish the book first. She beat me because I had to take my time. Some of the book reminded me of similar experiences I had.
When I first started reading the book I was expecting more of a story. Yes, there was a story involved, but I would more recommend this book as a devotional or for a church study group. It describes a story of how a young man found God after a terrible experience of seeing his mother die by the hands of his father in a domestically violent situation. Each chapter starts out with a part of the story, then there is a reflection by the author, and then questions for discussion. What I like about these questions is that they apply to anyone's life as if to provide food for thought.
As I went through the book I did highlight some points that stood out to me. The first one being the verse the author left me inside the cover. It was Jeremiah 29:11-14. I did not realize it at first until my mom had pointed out to me that Jeremiah 29:11 is actually our family verse.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
My mom had picked this out years ago a little after she and dad got a divorce. She wanted us kids to know that even through bad situations we are strong and that there is more for us to accomplish in our lives than we realize.
The next part that stood out to me is that sometimes divorce is necessary. When I was younger I was taught that a promise is a promise and divorce was a major sin. It was this thinking that led me to promise myself that if I ever got married I would not get a divorce. Unfortunately, in order to save my life from my ex-husband, I had to break that promise. I felt bad for not keeping my word, but was told by someone I least expected that in this case it was the right thing for me to do. Reading this in Mickel's book helped assure me that I did do the right thing even if I have to read this line as a reminder.
I continued reading associating very closely to the feelings that were expressed in the writing. Mickel acknowledges that we desire to be loved, to be cared for, and accepted. I will admit that through my past I feel these desires quite often. I am sure that these are feelings that many are confused by these days. They are desires that are based on trust which is a hard task for society. I, like many others, have been in situations where you trust someone believing that a person loves you, cares for you, and accepts you. In this type of situation it may feel wise to just trust yourself, not knowing if you can ever trust another.
One discussion question I would like to share is at the end of Chapter two: "Have you ever given any thought about what it would be like to be all alone and totally isolated without having anyone to love or care for you?" This question can be discussed from a couple different angles. I can see this being discussed in a church group if someone is feeling lost and needs to accept Christ in their life. Maybe there is a hole that needs to be filled. For me, it reminds me of my ex who cut me off from any other human except him and his family. I know for most this is a situation that is hard to understand or even fathom. Let me make it simple. I would compare it to jail. With all the restrictions, the isolated feeling was a type of jail for me at the time.
Another question was in Chapter three: "Can you remember a time in your life when you were overcome by guilt?" I have this feeling every so often. I knew at one point my ex was not the one, but I kept my vow as long as I could anyway. The guilt I feel relates to the feeling of stupidity. I am not "stupid," but the years with my ex were not my brightest years.
Like Mickel, my memories drift back to arguments, the mental abuse, the emotional abuse, the psychological abuse, but most commonly the physical abuse. I will admit that I did not withstand as much physical pain as others may have, but that does not mean it did not leave an imprint.
Those are just a few things I wanted to share. I know I did not share much more about the book because I do not want to give too much away. In this piece I just want to express how nice it is to have someone else understand things that I have been through when others will look the other way because they do not want to be involved. I want to express how thankful I am that in the last few months there have been many different types of people who have ministered to me and extended a hand. (Reference poem "Footprints in the Sand") This book has been one example and a new hobby I hope to improve upon: roller derby. Sometimes it is through the unexpected that we find out way.
For those of you interested in a book that will lead you to think about or examine your life I would recommend Mickel Millard's book, "Murder and God's Redeeming Love." You can order this book yourself at http://www.ephraimsgrit.com. Through this site and their site on Facebook you can keep up with the ministry of Mickel and his wife Marcia about Ephraim's Grit Ministries. Enjoy!
I received my copies of the book in the mail on November 23 and was excited to read it as soon as possible. In fact my roommate also became interested in the book, so we decided to have a little fun and see who could finish the book first. She beat me because I had to take my time. Some of the book reminded me of similar experiences I had.
When I first started reading the book I was expecting more of a story. Yes, there was a story involved, but I would more recommend this book as a devotional or for a church study group. It describes a story of how a young man found God after a terrible experience of seeing his mother die by the hands of his father in a domestically violent situation. Each chapter starts out with a part of the story, then there is a reflection by the author, and then questions for discussion. What I like about these questions is that they apply to anyone's life as if to provide food for thought.
As I went through the book I did highlight some points that stood out to me. The first one being the verse the author left me inside the cover. It was Jeremiah 29:11-14. I did not realize it at first until my mom had pointed out to me that Jeremiah 29:11 is actually our family verse.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
My mom had picked this out years ago a little after she and dad got a divorce. She wanted us kids to know that even through bad situations we are strong and that there is more for us to accomplish in our lives than we realize.
The next part that stood out to me is that sometimes divorce is necessary. When I was younger I was taught that a promise is a promise and divorce was a major sin. It was this thinking that led me to promise myself that if I ever got married I would not get a divorce. Unfortunately, in order to save my life from my ex-husband, I had to break that promise. I felt bad for not keeping my word, but was told by someone I least expected that in this case it was the right thing for me to do. Reading this in Mickel's book helped assure me that I did do the right thing even if I have to read this line as a reminder.
I continued reading associating very closely to the feelings that were expressed in the writing. Mickel acknowledges that we desire to be loved, to be cared for, and accepted. I will admit that through my past I feel these desires quite often. I am sure that these are feelings that many are confused by these days. They are desires that are based on trust which is a hard task for society. I, like many others, have been in situations where you trust someone believing that a person loves you, cares for you, and accepts you. In this type of situation it may feel wise to just trust yourself, not knowing if you can ever trust another.
One discussion question I would like to share is at the end of Chapter two: "Have you ever given any thought about what it would be like to be all alone and totally isolated without having anyone to love or care for you?" This question can be discussed from a couple different angles. I can see this being discussed in a church group if someone is feeling lost and needs to accept Christ in their life. Maybe there is a hole that needs to be filled. For me, it reminds me of my ex who cut me off from any other human except him and his family. I know for most this is a situation that is hard to understand or even fathom. Let me make it simple. I would compare it to jail. With all the restrictions, the isolated feeling was a type of jail for me at the time.
Another question was in Chapter three: "Can you remember a time in your life when you were overcome by guilt?" I have this feeling every so often. I knew at one point my ex was not the one, but I kept my vow as long as I could anyway. The guilt I feel relates to the feeling of stupidity. I am not "stupid," but the years with my ex were not my brightest years.
Like Mickel, my memories drift back to arguments, the mental abuse, the emotional abuse, the psychological abuse, but most commonly the physical abuse. I will admit that I did not withstand as much physical pain as others may have, but that does not mean it did not leave an imprint.
Those are just a few things I wanted to share. I know I did not share much more about the book because I do not want to give too much away. In this piece I just want to express how nice it is to have someone else understand things that I have been through when others will look the other way because they do not want to be involved. I want to express how thankful I am that in the last few months there have been many different types of people who have ministered to me and extended a hand. (Reference poem "Footprints in the Sand") This book has been one example and a new hobby I hope to improve upon: roller derby. Sometimes it is through the unexpected that we find out way.
For those of you interested in a book that will lead you to think about or examine your life I would recommend Mickel Millard's book, "Murder and God's Redeeming Love." You can order this book yourself at http://www.ephraimsgrit.com. Through this site and their site on Facebook you can keep up with the ministry of Mickel and his wife Marcia about Ephraim's Grit Ministries. Enjoy!
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