A few years ago I remember telling myself and others that sometimes the things you want to know are actually the things you do not want to know. I must say today I will say I should continue to follow this rule.
Today I experienced a moment where I could have ripped my heart out of my chest. A friend of mine thought that I wanted more out of our relationship than what this person wanted. I will admit there are things about this person that I am attracted to, but that does not mean I would compromise something important to me.
Let me explain a bit. My mother has a friend who she calls and talks to on a daily basis. They can talk about anything and everything, nothing, and anything in between. I thought I had this with this person. I was proven wrong. I have come to the conclusion that this is what happens when you jump into anything with both feet not knowing how deep you are getting yourself into whatever it is you are getting into.
So as of today it has been decided that I might need to distance myself. Why? My heart hurts. If I had a choice right now it would be the one thing I would give up. I had mentioned to this person that I froze my heart and the person proceeded to tell me they wanted to thaw it out. I do not know why and I wish he/she would leave my heart alone. I am sick of crying and sick of the pain, mainly in my chest. All I wanted was to have someone to be close to or socialize with on a different level.
Well, considering I will be tied up for a few weeks I just have a small prayer, a prayer that my heart does not return to me at this time. I wish for it to be tied up and temporarily if not permanently frozen. I think I might be done caring for awhile.....................
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