I do not understand how it started to happen. I do not even know if I regret it yet. Today I am listening to music I have not touched in almost a decade. My CDs include anything from Phantom of the Opera, Rent, BSB, Bryan Adams, etc. I even found my first CD....Spice Girls. I had to laugh at that remembering when they first came out.
While listening to my collection I remembered the things that happened during the time the music came out. I relive the good times, the bad times, the hard times, and even some of the times I did not make it through. I hardened my heart a long time ago because there is so much pain. To be honest, I do not even remember most of my past. It hurt so much that everything got blocked. I do not know how I did it, or if any of it will come back. I do remember the feelings that came with that package.
My heart has been locked up for so long that I foget how it affectes others, moreso new people in my life. I may be open about most things, but the pain...the part that makes me truly real is still locked in secret. Some day someone will hopefully break through. In the mean time I need to do some repair on my heart to save it. As strong as I felt hate this past year, I do not know if I can handle feeling the strength of the opposite feeling. Sometimes I wonder if it is this opposite that could make me weak.
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