This week I learned something new. I learned that as much as I respect, honor, and like honesty I also hate it. I hid something from someone and finally decided to tell this person my secret. Part of me feels relieved because it is hard to hide things, especially things that have built up to a very strong degree. The other part.....
Well, the other part of me feels really stupid. I feel stupid for the fact that I had this secret and I wanted a particular outcome or closer outcome than what actually happened, but as I have learned a long time ago, "sometimes the things you want to know are the things you really don't want to know." Still does not change the stupid feeling.
I then feel stupid thinking things would improve. You ever have that feeling of "not good enough?" Sometimes you have a feeling because it truly exists. I will say it is healthy to realize it. It is true that some people are sent into our lives as lesson. Maybe I'm still learning one.
Then I feel stupid because of the type of secret I held. Sometimes you emotions try to cancel out your mind, but your mind knows better. Maybe this is why some people have a hard time making decisions. The heart stands for one side while the mind stands for another and the only way for both sides to win and remain in peace is to get rid of the subject.
So what have I learned? Being honest does not change anything. It does not change from bad to good or from good to bad. It gives home where hope wants to give up and say, "I don't care anymore." I guess if I heard those words I would be more scared. Without the care and without the peace....it all goes numb.
So with appreciation for honesty...I just don't care anymore.
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