Today I was thinking about connections and how each person has some small thing that relates them to something or someone else. The idea started when I left my apartment to go mail some letters at the post office and check my post office box. One of the letters was to my mom sprinkled with ladybug stickers and a quote from the movie Under the Tuscan Sun. I love the movie, not the book, because it portrays turning something negative into something positive even if it was not quite how you pictured it.
The quote, in brief, was about when Katherine, one of the main characters, was describing a childhood memory of a time where she was trying to find ladybugs in the field, but was not having any luck. She grew tired and decided to take a nap. When she awoke, she was covered in ladybugs. From this, you are probably thinking that the lesson lies along the lines of 'patience is a virtue' or the idea that when you do not concentrate so hard on something, it will come to you in time. I have heard other stories similar to the idea, like if you catch a butterfly hold it gently because if you hold on to it too tight you will kill it.
So I put this letter to my mom in the mail, sensing that she had been missing her best friend who had passed away earlier this year, one week after my birthday, from cancer. The feeling I get, even as I type the words, is extreme loss and utter confusion. I may share with people bits of me and consider people friends, but then there are those select few who know or just about know everything about you. That was the type of friend this woman was to my mom and to our family, so it is hard to just 'get over' that type of love.
After the letter was in the drop box, I went over to my post office box to find a thick envelope...from my mom. Now this may sound silly to many who read this, but I broke down and cried even before I opened the letter knowing that she had done the same thing I just did to her a few seconds ago. I stood for a moment in front of my box in disbelief as I appreciated this extremely rare connection I had with my mother. We have not talked for a couple weeks, yet we both knew just what the other one needed.
Now I know that many of you will think that this connection is obvious because it is based on mother and daughter, but there is more. I do pray that when she is gone that there is someone who is that close and knows exactly what I mean even when I hold back, telling that person not to do something in fear a weakness will be shone.
In my everyday life I do see similar connections, like when you text a friend just as the friend was in the middle of texting you or when someone notices something that everyone else misses, like the color of your eyes and that you did something different with your make up. Both of these scenarios have happened to me and makes me think 'What makes me so important that you noticed something so insignificant about me?' Let me clarify, it is not that I am not important, but important to that person at that moment. For instance, the eye example was from a guy I barely knew, but then again maybe he is like me and just notices things about people that others commonly miss.
I continue this night feeling a bit lost as it appears that some of the people closest to me do not seem to understand me, while the people I barely know are able to see those things that are missed. If anything, these just give me hope that there are people in my life whom I am connected to that are just as important as my mom no matter how small that connection may be, but it also gives me hope that if one person can see at least one insignificant thing about me then that person must obviously be able to see more than what meets the eye.
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