Accumulating Intelligence--whatever that is....

Intelligence, a term used for a measurement done by standardized tests to allow for a comparison to be made from one person to another, but is this not a subjective thought on the ability to acquire if not apply our knowledge?  How is it that we may take a specific test at any one particular moment with the intentions of recalling information that we currently know or will know?  What about all the variables that affect how this test is taken like sleep, hunger, or age? Am I more of a genius in my younger years because my mind has yet to be programmed by society or is it more intelligent from this experience as an adult?

I understand this is a bit deep thinking, but my minorly competitive side produced this questions as I reviewed the text for one of my college classes wondering what makes Tom, Dick, and Harry more intellectual in comparison to me.

I did a small bit of research, as I am intelligent enough to know where to find information that I may not know yet, and found that the first IQ test (Intelligence Quotient Test) was developed by Alfred Binet, a psychologist who was asked by the French government to produce a way to identify which children needed more assistance in the classroom.  The test was soon evolved in the United States in 1916 by Lewis Terman, a psychologist at Stanford University, who progressed into an actual calculation for IQ, the quotient, taking into consideration mental age and chronological age.  Now keep in mind that this test or tests has been revised multiple times, which still conveys the question 'What makes someone else more intelligent than me?' (Cherry).

My curiosity took me to different lists on the Internet to see who thought who was intelligent and why.  What troubles me about these lists is that with the evolution of the IQ test, what is one IQ score compared to another? Take for instance Michelangelo who is listed to have an IQ score of 177 compared to Terrence Tao's 230 score.  Terrence Tao is 39 years old and Michelangelo is, well deceased, but they did not take the same test so are these scores truly comparable? No, as from one era to another have different tests, which still defeats any resolution to a proper comparison.

To see what initially pops up in a search for  intellectual people or who society deems 'the most intellectual,' I randomly chose some websites for comparison as who society feels inferior towards.  A couple lists I checked with historical names listed Michelangelo, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Isaac Newton, Leonardo da Vinci, but oddly only one listed Albert Einstein.  Now many people know the name Albert Einstein, so it was a bit of a surprise that he was only listed once.  I also pulled up a couple more current lists showing common intellects such as Garry Kasparov, Rick Rosner, Kim ung-Yong, Christopher Hirata, and Marilyn vos Savant.  Another analyzed concept was that Paul Gardner Allen was on one of the list, but his co-founder for Microsoft, Bill Gates, was not listed.  In my opinion, I would consider Bill Gates worthy of the listing as I feel he is a very intellectual man even though it appears a majority vote from society begs to differ.

With all this 'cute' information, I do notice that many of these people had distinct focal points on their education.  It made me think of Olympic athletes who spend hours a day working to perfect one physical talent whereas these others are doing it with their minds, yet which one is more intellectual? Both have specific things they focus on.

I could sit here and dwell on the concept that could take a 'train of thought' into common sense and an inferiority complex, but I do not think I will ever find a substantial concrete answer that will not amount to the fact that IQ is just a measurement and intellect is subjective.  So then why the insecurity?  Big words?  Long  sentences?  A stupid number of measurement for bragging rights?  I may not be a 'genius' or even a prodigy of sort, but I will admit to being an open-minded intellectual towards education with the willingness of progression.  [LoL- Did ya catch all that?] I guess with my own insecurity on intelligence, I can only take it as a compliment when someone feels inferior to me as should another person whom I feel inferior towards.  Whether you consider yourself 'smart' or 'dumb' the knowledge you have may not necessarily be the same as the person next to you with the same experience, but it does mean that you both have the opportunity to learn from one another and obtain more information.  Intellect--the ability and knowledge to find more...




Sources:

13 Most Intelligent People In The History Of The World. (n.d.). Retrieved January 5, 2015, from Financesonline.com: http://financesonline.com/13-most-intelligent-people-in-the-history-of-the-world/

Cherry, D. (n.d.). History of Intelligence Testing: The History and Development of Modern IQ Testing. Retrieved January 4, 2015, from About Education: http://psychology.about.com/od/psychologicaltesting/a/int-history.htm

DNA. (2014, January 21). 10 Most Intelligent Humans To Ever Exist. Retrieved January 4, 2015, from TIP News: Digital News Aggregate: http://topinfopost.com/2014/01/21/10-most-intelligent-humans-to-ever-exist

Said, S. (2013, February 6). The Top 10 Most Intelligent People in the World. Retrieved January 5, 2015, from TheRichest: http://www.therichest.com/business/the-top-10-most-intelligent-people-in-the-world/

Salman, S. (n.d.). Top 10 Most Intelligent People Of The World. Retrieved January 5, 2015, from Wonderslist: http://www.wonderslist.com/10-most-intelligent-people/

The Addiction of Life's Gambles

Four days into the new year and I already found that moment in my life when I am questioning myself: the time, the value, and the cost.  It is said 'do not put all your eggs into one basket' as there are other options that may hinder a specific outcome, not to mention the eggs may crack or you could have a few chicks on your hand.  For my sake, I do not need any chicks at this time.  Not the point though.

In the last four years I have been retraining myself to trust at least myself since I have a bit of trouble trusting others, which is apparently noticeable not only through this blog.  I do wear my heart on my sleeve as it is an honest portrayal of who I am, I ask the question that others do not because the question and potential deathly answer will mutilate my brain if not complete, and I follow my instinct on my life to a degree.

However, we all have our weaknesses that we gamble with in life hoping to be the exception when we are the rule or our life in some form or another is the rule.  At times, I like to believe that people change or believe that there is something more to a person who has been given a specific stigma of a label.  Therefore, I trust myself in an attempt to test the odds to prove everyone wrong.  What I am learning is that if one person says it is true, test it, but if more than one person says it is true, you might want to question your attempts before gambling anything at all when you are just going to lose.

This weekend I allowed myself to gamble a bit after I have been told NUMEROUS times not to put forth the time and effort.  Let's just say that lack of reciprocation sucks since you do not get what you put in leaving a bit of weight on the one-sided adventure to put into debate of whether or not all if not certain ties need to be broken no matter the pain.  I guess the positive side-effect is that it would be on my own personal terms and there would be no distractions to my ultimate goal.  So then why does this feel so bad?  Why is it that I regret my actual feeling of regret?  Because had things turned out differently I would not have this confused mix of emotion. Ugh!

Gambling is a part of life.  You win some, you lose some, you win big, you lose big, but of course then you get that smart @** in the background telling you, 'it is not the destination, but the journey.'  So instead of walking on sand I am stubbing my toes on rocks, considering I am a bit of a klutz.  This reminds me of my favorite poem 'Footprints in the Sand.'  I have always liked this poem, beyond the religious element with the idea that there is someone there no matter what when I have always been the type that the only person you can depend upon is yourself.  I do not know if it is always the best theory even though through success and failure I have no one to blame except myself.

So why do we keep gambling in life literally and figuratively? Hope.  That is it.  That is key.  That, dare I say, is the only thing that drives us. [Expect the worst, but pray for the best]  I chuckle as I finish this entry with the thought "Jeez, maybe I should keep praying?"

The Desire of a Wish

This week many changes occurred as I now set into action my plan to move away from place that has never really felt like my own home.  Although, I feel this was a step in life that I needed to take, so now that I have conquered it is time to move on and progress, which can be scary to many people.  I have recently come across the idea that the wants, needs, desires, obsession, or even passions that people have can be difficult to obtain as there is a fear that sets in with the potential of paralyzing a person with the realization that taking this risk and betting on the life you want may leave you with nothing.  It is basically like gambling only I feel that losing your life is more of a risk than losing money.

I was watching the 2006 movie The Devil Wears Prada that stars Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep with a character portrayal of Anna Wintour, because I felt I needed an empowerment movie.  As many of you may know, Andy Sachs desires to be a journalist in New York, so to find a path to that dream she applies for and gets a job at Runway, a fashion magazine that is head by Miranda Priestly.  The path to Runway seems unlikely for a young girl uninterested in fashion until, with a bit of guidance form Nigel, played by Stanley Tucci (who I find adorably appealing in this movie with his witty repartee) learns about the fashion business.  Through his quick tutorial she is introduced the ideas of respecting yourself enough in your professional appears, which reflects upon others how serious you are about your job to earn their respect.  Then that moment in the movie hits the realization of how far a person must go to sacrifice one's self to obtain the ultimate desire, Nigel's infamous quote, "Let me know when your whole life goes up in smoke.  Means its' time for a promotion."  There you have it folks, a brief epiphany of what it takes.  Keep in mind this is focusing strictly on the desire because with that journey comes many additions like relationship, families, kids, etc., but there are still those sacrifices we make with these people along for the ride.  A momentary thought here of a couple friends of mine who recently parted ways...sometimes your life path is meant to cross until you reach that one fork in the road where you part ways for something better for the both of you.

This may sound a bit trite as I just referred to movie-land, but Disney had the right idea and I am beginning to wonder how many people forget the idea of working hard for something versus having it handed to you.  How many of you can sing all if not part of "When You Wish Upon A Star"?  Don't lie to me either because I know you know at least the tune with how many times it plays.  Even in the ideal thinking of a child, Walt Disney instilled that what we want will eventually come to us no matter who we are and if we are passionate enough to do anything to obtain the dream.

Recently I had to make a friend of mine realize this concept.  Around the holidays, specifically Christmas, many people would like the cute cookie cutter family picturesque warm family get-together, but not all families have that option.  I am one of those lucky ones where, when I was younger, my relatives would find a mutual spot to meet up so we could eat, play games, and socialize.  Being a bit older now and that there are more adults to be spread out, it is hard for us to have that mutual time together, but because of the closeness of my family I would not doubt that we all think back to those days for our own personal reasons.  They all hold a magical place in my heart, which I try to make sure they know through Christmas cards that have become my way of 'touching base.'  Well, after they all read this they will really know. [Love you all!!]  The sad part of this is that my friend does not have this, but desires it and in my fairy tale sort of thinking I believe my friend will get the close Christmas that is desired because my friend deserves it. 

Now that I have made this entry overly sentimental, I am obligated to believe even stronger than I have in the past that my fairy tale does exist with all the fine details including a blue rose.  I believe that there is a moment in everyone's life where they thirst for more or believe they deserve better because THEY DO even though it does come with a cost of sacrificing something else.  I may not be the most encouraging person some days, but that does not excuse the fact that no matter how much I try to give up on things or even people, I cannot seem to give up hope.....hope for a miracle, hope for something better, or even hope for something as simple as a better tomorrow.  Maybe that is where our sacrifices become too great, when we lose that hope and maybe our risks become to big of an expense instead of an investment.  My strategic advice? Grab a few friends and family whom you can grab some input and make it your own, only then goal obtained and the path truly yours.

2015 New Year Tolerance

The new year has started and I feel as though I am letting people down since I am not jumping off the ceiling happy-go-lucky over the increase of a number.  I will admit that I am a numbers person when I keep track of things or record things like money, pounds lost, inches of muscle, credit score, and funds for bills, but I have never felt the stereotypical ditzy blonde feeling of a new year.  This does not mean that I do not make a few common resolutions as I am in support of improving one's self; however, that happens about once a month for me instead of every year. (Actually it happens about once a week now that I think about it).

So this past New Year's Eve, I went out with a great friend who I knew understood that 2014 was not the easiest of years, for either of us, but that did not take away from our positive attitudes that life gets better and it did not change that we are both purely awesome people to whom it would be a privilege to meet.  I was not able to break in the new year with this friend, as I went home a bit early to nurture a major headache. I actually started the new year in the most appropriate place, in the restroom.  I know, minor TMI moment, but if you think about it, metaphorically perfect in that since 2014 sucked for me, it is positive that I trash it/flush it and move on.  I'm so sorry, but I laugh every time I think of that moment because who does that unless they are bowing to the porcelain god from over drinking of alcoholic beverages. That was not my reasoning at all.

My first day of the year was spent lounging around relaxing to collect all my thoughts realizing that my biggest survival kit was all the new people I had met this past year.  Signifies a very 'out with the old, in with the new' type of moment of reflection.  I have not seen many of these people lately, due to a goal I have set for this year.  My one and only goal: move away from where I currently live.  For the last month, I have worked two part time jobs, one full time job, and gone to school with a small ability to go to the gym every now and then.  It is a huge sacrifice of time, but I feel sacrifice makes everything worth the trouble.  However, there are those people in my life who are concerned for my sacrifice that loosing that much time will exhaust me without time for my personal battery to reset and that I might sever some connections with certain people.

I laugh at these two concerns because one: I have always had more than one task/job since I was 14 years old, so I am accustom to being busy and if something/someone is valuable to me I make the time.  Two: I do not leave good friends, valued friends, those people who you know your life would change for the worse if they were gone.  I will say I am glad social media exists for this reason as I am able to see what is new in other's lives or obtain inspiration through the small things in life they do without them realizing they made an impact on my life.  Then I reflect back and realize how hard of a task this is for me.

In 2014 I joined the YMCA to basically disappear in a crowd the same way people do on a New York city street, but somehow I ended up standing out.  Part of me wanted to run after this realization while something held me back and it was not until I received an email today that I realized that all the bumps, bruises, and scarring in my life do not necessary mean that you are healed properly enough to function.  I know that sounds very harsh, but I am referring to connections.  I did a favor for a friend to review a written piece of work for him only to get the most business like formatted 'thank you' email.  I chuckled a bit because this friend has complained how businesses send out rejection letters that are impersonal and here the friend sends me, his actual friend a similarly formatted email.  My response acknowledged how ' [the email] reflects the cookie cutter impersonal type business type letter that distinctly annihilates any connection.'  I know....a bit harsh, but true.  It made me understand how there are people in my life who I am scared to lose as well, so my response is to run and sever any ties or connections with the thought that 'well, if this is the last time I see you then it won't hurt as much because we left on my terms, my choice.'  Silly thought, huh? [Silly ol' bear].

With the idea of improving and it only being the second day of 2015, I want to improve upon my patience for myself and tolerate the steps I take to improve my mental traps that keep me from depending on only myself when I should be able to trust another.  I understand that people are not in your life forever, but I do believe they should be there until you are both ready to let go, but maybe I need to stop mutilating connections where I would need to suppress pain and learn to embrace a bit of pain.  Maybe 2015 is a year for me to redeem all my scarring.

For the rest of you out there reading this, I hope for a happy new year, one of pain and sorrow to appreciate those joyous moments in our lives.  I pray for growth in any aspect of your lives, but with the gift of something/someone to keep you grounded. Finally, I pray for more reading enjoyment from this blog that makes you smirk out the side of your mouth whispering in your head, "I.V, you dork"  Happy New Year!!

Human Decency: The Fairy tale of Selflessness

I had a bit of trouble starting this entry not exactly understanding why this was such a big deal to me until I recognized how many people do not see or do things beyond their own needs.  They grab for themselves with or without any discretion for any other human being not knowing that the greater reward is in self sacrifice or the giving of yourself to another person.

The holiday season, probably more recognized as Thanksgiving and Christmas, seems to be a time where more people give or try to give more than they receive with the idea that it is good karma or makes them a better person.  Now if you have read previous  entries in my blog, you know my feeling on Valentine's Day being the obligation to show love to a person when it should be shown freely instead of required.  Well, it is this time of year that I think people feel this same requirement to extend a hand to others with selfless acts.  I, on the other hand, question 'Why not do this the rest of the year? These people do not need you just once a year, but maybe a little help throughout the year.'

I came across an opportunity mid-November into December at a temporary position employed as an Administrative Assistant in hopes that the title and experience would expand my capabilities in the future.  Now I am one of those that believes things happen for a reason and that people come into our lives for a reason, which I somehow believe was true in this case.  I worked with an agent in the same office, who could probably be mistaken as being 'rough around the edges' with her tough exterior, but I soon found out it was because, like me, she too had been through some rough times; however, she was able to keep her heart warm.

It was between the two holidays that she was sending out correspondence to those who qualify for medical supplement plans to assist them during their transition through the differences in health insurance.  I am not a sales person, but the heart that shown in her sales changed my perspective that not all sales agents are in their lines of business to make a big buck.  One day while sending out her pamphlets she ran into a woman who did not speak English, yet seemed to understand enough to provide a limited amount of mutual communication.  The woman was wrapped up in a blanket in below freezing weather, so the agent offered the woman a ride only to find out that under the blanket was a young toddler not more than a year old.  The agent asked the woman if she had a winter coat as the area was known for its harsh winters.  What was understood was that the woman did not have a coat and due to language limitations did not currently have a job.  

During the holidays I feel that fairy tales are taken for granted as we expect them during the 'happy time of year,' but it is rare to see one in real life.  The agent took the woman to the nearest department store to buy a winter coat for the woman and child only to find out there were two other children in need.  To sum up the 'happily-ever-after' moment, winter gear was purchased for the family members along with groceries and then around Christmas a bag of presents.  It is rare to witness such selfless acts especially when some people do not have the extra funds to spare, but what inspires me from the story is the little things that make a significant difference in a person's life.  

I have always thrived to be that difference to people, to have a positive outlook, and to reach for the stars because everyone deserves that 'happily-ever-after' ending.  Although, I am going to be the first to admit that it is also sometimes one of the hardest roles to play  especially when you are repeatedly knocked down.  Believe me, I understand this is a test of strength even though it does get frustrating to the point of wanting to yell, "Ok, are you done yet! I'd like to move on, please!" So maybe just screaming or yelling out in the country could just be your answer, but that does not take away from the fact that every 'Once upon a time...' contains a hero whose gift is 'happily-ever-after.'

Customer Service: Friend or Foe?

This week has been busy for me and do not get me wrong I am happy, but it has made me realize something; our lives revolve around some form of customer service.

Think about the events during a regular normal day, trying to pretend it is uneventful, and think about how many times you use customer service skills; helping a friend or family member, if you are a cashier checking a person out at a register, if you are an agent monitoring a person's account, or maybe even simply just opening a door for a stranger.  I know the idea may sound a bit funny, but in each scenario provides an opportunity to think about another person or CARE for another person who is putting a lot of trust in you.  You are helping them obtain a set goal in their life even if it is as simple as walking through a door in which you are trusted not to slam it in the other person's face.

In the professional career driven world, some organizations relabeled customer service as customer care, which I feel should be the correct term as the term 'care' is the essential part of the customer service industry.  Ultimately the situations are where one person has a need for another who cares enough to assist, but with all this caring in our professional and private lives, do you ever get tired of caring?

This would be the moment we all become that one irritating person on the end of the phone that most people in the customer service profession hate.  We become irritated wanting our own way and not fully understanding both sides of the situation before we jump to a conclusion.  In my experience, I do understand both sides of the spectrum, but that does not make things any easier when a problem arises.  

Let me give you an example:

This past year my bank sent me a statement on one of my accounts through the mail that was returned to them in April 2014.  My bank then waited six months to try another attempt in October 2014 to validate they did have the correct address, but the post office returned the mail again.  Now, you have to understand that I have a P.O. Box for a specific safety purpose that is paid for every six months and I have recently verified that all my payments have been made by the due date to prevent any issues of my box closing and not receiving any mail.  However, in April the post office closed my box for two days, long enough for the mail from the bank to be returned to the sender.  As for the October issue, well apparently there was no explanation for that one.

As a customer to both organizations, I could have gotten angry, but needed to understand what the situation was as I now had a closed bank account due to the inevitably frustratingly aggravating situation that I had to reopen.  I contacted the bank, who explained the situation about the mail issue, telling me to provide specific information of my own to them to reopen the account that was being closed for my own security. I sent this in and waited....waited....and WAITED!  I called again to find out that the representative did not tell me the joint needed to provide her information as well to reopen the account. (#fail).  The document I provided needed to be sent in again with her information, my information, and both our signatures.  The joint lives three hours away.  I have already wrestled with the bank issue for a month and now I have to wait longer because a representative did not give me ALL the information I needed. #breath #calmdown.

Fine, I understand the bank has policies and procedures they need to follow, but is there not some sort of way to expedite my situation and reopen the account when it is not my fault?  Guess not....so I walked away stomping my feet frustrated because it made me feel better.  Oh, but wait!  The post office.  I went to the post office to check with their representative why my mail was being returned.  I was informed about the box closing in April, for who knows what reason when it was confirmed I did not have a late payment, but the return mail in October could not be explained.  There are no restrictions on my box and both my past married name and maiden name are on the box (because this is the third time this has happened, but was not a huge issue in the past).  I have never seen a more shocked dumbfounded looking in my life.  "I'm sorry. I don't know why this happened."  The representative could not send a letter to the bank to admit the return mail was in error because the bank would not accept it and the bank was just following protocol.  Now we are in the 21st century where the bank account has my email to which my statements are sent electronically, so why was this not used?  FYI...I just threw a stack of papers in the air because I do not have an answer, but apparently neither do they.

Customer service.....Customer care.....

So where was the caring in the whole situation?  No one cared to try other methods of contacting me. #fail No one gave me all the information I needed until multiple contacts later. #fail  No one could change or even guarantee an issue would not arise again even though I had given all the information they requested. #fail  

I could have gotten mad, irate, hysterical, etc., but I did not because I could not control the issue (and apparently neither could the bank or post office).  I would almost dare say that I provided the representatives with more customer care than I received, but I also understand that they could only follow as much information as the company gives them.

We are all human and mistakes happen in businesses that are at times overlooked.  As I demonstrated in my story, you need to understand that the person you are talking to may only be the messenger in the whole situation and trust me...you can't kill them...it's illegal.  I try to keep this in mind when inquiring on situations where I need to speak to a representative, but then as a representative, I also keep in mind that this person is calling me for a reason.  This person trusts that I will have an answer, if not, be able to find the answer because that is my job and I represent the company.  Sadly, it is this representation and association that gets you yelled at as a representative because to the person on the other end, you ARE the company, the one who messed up.

So what do I do now?  Well, I keep the post office in check as they have proven not to be worthy of my trust that I now have to supervise them.  I give the bank what they need for my account praying someone can expedite the situation as they see that I have gone the extra mile on my side of the event...and then wait, because I have no other choice.

I guess after this issue, being asked about my customer service experience for a second job, and seeing how much the agent I currently work for cares for her customers I felt the need to say something in hopes that in the midst of frustration we can care enough to see both and maybe solve problems a bit more efficiently through calm rationality.

Statement of Fear

Today I was thinking about all the different things I could be doing other than being at work, like laundry, dishes, and there was the thought of my statement of purpose for grad school.  It will sound silly to most of you who read this because the piece is required to have 200-500 words explaining 'why me?' for this program.  I will say it also took me awhile to figure out what piece of my personal writing to submit also, which I did find after some inspiration reflecting that I understand fiction and can analyze it.

I still have a little time before my statement of purpose it due, still I am afraid that what I write will not be 'good enough.'  Yes, I will say I am a verbal artist even though for this piece I am utterly...speechless? wordless? artistically useless?  I want to express how every day I wake up wanting to put a pen in my hand and watch the ink bleed into the paper creating an imaginative world with adventures and journeys outside of reality or that I crave the smooth water-like feeling of computer keys against my figures as the words visually create brush strokes with no brush.  How do I express something I am so passionate about that if it does not exist I would feel a part of me died as this if my first thought in the morning and my last thought before I go to bed?  I keep writing this piece to submit over and over because I do not think what I am writing is 'good enough,' even by my own standard, then again I am a perfectionist who fears failure.

This week I realized my statement of purpose is not my only fear in relation to writing.  Winter is among us and my hands hurt to the point of tears, at least lately.  Within the last year I saw a rheumatologist who told me that I have Psoriatic Arthritis, which affects my skin and my joints.  A long time ago, sometime after my siblings and I had lice, I saw a doctor who told me I had Psoriasis, which is a skin disease where my skin cells develop faster than normal that eventually create itchy scaly patches in specific parts of my body.  Psoriasis is an autoimmune disease, meaning my body is basically attacking itself. (Side note from my morbid sense of humor: Could this be considered an uncontrollable type of suicide?-I apologize if that is not funny to you, but I am not a serious persona at heart).  The arthritis that is developed in people who have Psoriasis is also autoimmune mainly in the joints, leaving them swollen and sometimes a bit unmanageable.

Are you wondering why I told you all this yet?  If you must know, I am a very independent person to the point that sometimes I believe it is better to just depend on yourself so that no one else can hurt you or let you down.  With this theory in mind, I am scared that someday my hands will let me down and I will have to be on some form of disability, unable to write or express all the passion I have inside for things in life.  This is my weakness and I am not meant to be weak!  

I understand there are worse things out there, diseases more severe that take away pieces of people, but that does not necessarily make my fear or their fear any different  because these things take away a piece of the people they inhabit.  Now, I feel for those people, I really do, but for the purpose of this entry I am telling my story from my point of view knowing that somewhere someone has similar feelings and they are not alone.  Each moment my fingers grow cold, swell up more than usual, or just become utterly painful I do cry because I am not only losing my fingers, but an entity of me and I have already lost myself once in my lifetime.  That, however, is another story, but I am not going to end this post on a 'woe is me note,' because that is not me.  

I have learned, in the last couple years, that the things we fear the most are the things we want/need the most.  I want to write and I need to write because I cannot... no...I will not let a piece of me die.  So like any other strong person facing an obstacle, I prolong the inevitable as long as I can through the use of medication, keeping my hands warm, exercising regularly to keep my blood flowing properly like I did with my knees, and continue to write what I can.  I guess you could almost compare this to the saying of 'it is better to loved and lost, than to have never loved at all' because as long as I do what I love, I cannot feel lost. (Excuse me, time to warm up the hands :P)