The Jigsaw Puzzle of Connections

Connections, associations, and relationships are what embody every aspect of our lives, which led me to the thought that science has forever proven, that all living organisms are connected in the same aspect as how every part of our bodies are connected.  I know this is nothing special nor is it a new concept, but it is one we do not consider often in our lives.  Most of us, probably like me, just mosey on through life minding our own business until we have a moment where we realize it is a small world after all.

Cheezy, I know, but hear me out. If we are all connected by six degrees of separation, does this not mean that we should be able to find each other and find that key element in a person that we so strongly desire.  

With that said, I recently went 'hunting' for that special element that gave me this feeling of being complete and lucky me, I found it. Six and a half hours of stimulating conversation with relatable topics and challenging subject matter, but then I do not know what happened because that key element disappeared with no explanation as to what would provoke such a negative response.

Many times people will look at a situation similar to this and wonder 'what did I do wrong?' when really they should be asking 'was I too right?' and although there is no jigsaw puzzle piece in that very specific spot, I feel touched at the experience even though I am disappointed it is gone.  You see, I believe that when something is truly worth it, you hold onto it, you fight for it, and you do not let it go.  I tried to hold on, in fact, I went looking for it only to end up face first into that metaphoric digital wall.

I may not be a Private Investigator,  but for now I will just smile as I move forward to my freedom because I got a taste of what my wild heart desires.  Now as I journey forward, I may hope a bit for that one jigsaw puzzle piece to come back into my life because it inspired me and I miss it, but maybe all I needed from the piece was to know that there is still hope....even if it is in a different country and reachable by a few hours. ;)

2015 New Year Tolerance

The new year has started and I feel as though I am letting people down since I am not jumping off the ceiling happy-go-lucky over the increase of a number.  I will admit that I am a numbers person when I keep track of things or record things like money, pounds lost, inches of muscle, credit score, and funds for bills, but I have never felt the stereotypical ditzy blonde feeling of a new year.  This does not mean that I do not make a few common resolutions as I am in support of improving one's self; however, that happens about once a month for me instead of every year. (Actually it happens about once a week now that I think about it).

So this past New Year's Eve, I went out with a great friend who I knew understood that 2014 was not the easiest of years, for either of us, but that did not take away from our positive attitudes that life gets better and it did not change that we are both purely awesome people to whom it would be a privilege to meet.  I was not able to break in the new year with this friend, as I went home a bit early to nurture a major headache. I actually started the new year in the most appropriate place, in the restroom.  I know, minor TMI moment, but if you think about it, metaphorically perfect in that since 2014 sucked for me, it is positive that I trash it/flush it and move on.  I'm so sorry, but I laugh every time I think of that moment because who does that unless they are bowing to the porcelain god from over drinking of alcoholic beverages. That was not my reasoning at all.

My first day of the year was spent lounging around relaxing to collect all my thoughts realizing that my biggest survival kit was all the new people I had met this past year.  Signifies a very 'out with the old, in with the new' type of moment of reflection.  I have not seen many of these people lately, due to a goal I have set for this year.  My one and only goal: move away from where I currently live.  For the last month, I have worked two part time jobs, one full time job, and gone to school with a small ability to go to the gym every now and then.  It is a huge sacrifice of time, but I feel sacrifice makes everything worth the trouble.  However, there are those people in my life who are concerned for my sacrifice that loosing that much time will exhaust me without time for my personal battery to reset and that I might sever some connections with certain people.

I laugh at these two concerns because one: I have always had more than one task/job since I was 14 years old, so I am accustom to being busy and if something/someone is valuable to me I make the time.  Two: I do not leave good friends, valued friends, those people who you know your life would change for the worse if they were gone.  I will say I am glad social media exists for this reason as I am able to see what is new in other's lives or obtain inspiration through the small things in life they do without them realizing they made an impact on my life.  Then I reflect back and realize how hard of a task this is for me.

In 2014 I joined the YMCA to basically disappear in a crowd the same way people do on a New York city street, but somehow I ended up standing out.  Part of me wanted to run after this realization while something held me back and it was not until I received an email today that I realized that all the bumps, bruises, and scarring in my life do not necessary mean that you are healed properly enough to function.  I know that sounds very harsh, but I am referring to connections.  I did a favor for a friend to review a written piece of work for him only to get the most business like formatted 'thank you' email.  I chuckled a bit because this friend has complained how businesses send out rejection letters that are impersonal and here the friend sends me, his actual friend a similarly formatted email.  My response acknowledged how ' [the email] reflects the cookie cutter impersonal type business type letter that distinctly annihilates any connection.'  I know....a bit harsh, but true.  It made me understand how there are people in my life who I am scared to lose as well, so my response is to run and sever any ties or connections with the thought that 'well, if this is the last time I see you then it won't hurt as much because we left on my terms, my choice.'  Silly thought, huh? [Silly ol' bear].

With the idea of improving and it only being the second day of 2015, I want to improve upon my patience for myself and tolerate the steps I take to improve my mental traps that keep me from depending on only myself when I should be able to trust another.  I understand that people are not in your life forever, but I do believe they should be there until you are both ready to let go, but maybe I need to stop mutilating connections where I would need to suppress pain and learn to embrace a bit of pain.  Maybe 2015 is a year for me to redeem all my scarring.

For the rest of you out there reading this, I hope for a happy new year, one of pain and sorrow to appreciate those joyous moments in our lives.  I pray for growth in any aspect of your lives, but with the gift of something/someone to keep you grounded. Finally, I pray for more reading enjoyment from this blog that makes you smirk out the side of your mouth whispering in your head, "I.V, you dork"  Happy New Year!!