Done-to be finished, a past participle...
There is a point where a person has to let go because wasting time on one thing will not end well. For me, saying 'I am done,' usually associates with people. I like to believe the best in people and I hope for the best for all of them, even the ones I do not like, but for some reason I have trouble letting go of them. Part of that is a fear that if I walk away they will just let me, not caring that I am gone, which is really an indication they did not care in the first place. The other part is the desire to help or be there to support others, which sadly you can only do for so long until you lose yourself.
Never choose someone who needs to think twice about choosing you.
As I got older I came to the mature realization that there is more to life than standing, waiting around for something to happen that is inevitably never going to happen. You cannot make someone want you, but that does not mean that when they leave you for something you have to be there to pick up the pieces if it does not work out. I did this once in the last couple years. A friend developed what I like to call the 'ooooo, pretty shiny' syndrome and left me in the dust for the new 'thing.' Unfortunately, the new 'thing' did not last long and the person expected me to be there to pick up the pieces. It was like, 'hey, I'm going to try this one thing temporarily, but I expect you to wait here for me.' I hate to say it, but my life does not stop because you told it to wait. I have dreams too and they are not going to be accomplished if I keep sitting around waiting for you.
So at this age I have learned not too tolerate too much. If something is meant to be, it will happen. If someone wants you, that person will make it known. If you are important to someone, that person will fight for you. I came to a point where I am done fighting for something that keeps walking away. If I was really wanted in the first place, there would be no walking away.
Follow your brain. Your heart is stupid as shit.
Well, the 'ooooo, pretty shiny' syndrome has invaded my life again and this time I am not sitting around to find out what happens. I am going to move and find my heart's desire in writing or even travelling. I do not want a small entity of the world. I want the whole thing. I want to experience as much as I can. So tonight I make a bucket list in the small attempt as my first steps of walking away from the thing that deserted me. Should it come back, then I guess I have a choice to make if it is worth fighting for a third time, no excuses. No 'if you were a friend you would understand,' no 'you are just doing this to get back at me,' and no blaming me because you screwed up and you know it. These are demeaning statements and do not progress beyond anything, if anything they push away and add distance. (This is almost where I dare suggest reading Tabatha Coffey's Own it!, which should be a book about the common sense of taking responsibility, but not everyone understands the concept let alone either concept separately).
Tonight, chapter one, goal one........get to sleep with no tears of the pain this person has caused because that person is not losing sleep over it and then start tomorrow anew knowing how you have harnessed your past strength that will be applied to your future. Part two, begin the list to your future and go for it.
No comments:
Post a Comment