Changes happen frequently in life. Some say 'things happen for a reason' or even 'let it go because if it was meant to be it will return to you,' but even the journey to a destination is not promised to be easy.
I have learned that life comes in cycles. We have our good days and our bad days, our worse days and our mediocre days, but the specific entity is how we act or react to these occasions. Face it, humanity can be as simple as science like when Newton states, 'For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.' When one person acts a specific way another person's actions may or may not be favorable in response.
For the past few months I have been planning to relocate due to professional and personal growth, but there is this thing in life call 'money' that can at time dictate a person's life. I will admit that I am one of those individuals who believes 'things happen for a reason,' and in the course of an event I made a split decision that I do not regret now. I had a person, dear to my heart, tell me to leave the person's life and not care about the individual anymore; once said, I was left stranded, broken-hearted in a parking lot in utter confusion.
What you need to first understand is I have learned the value of friendship, the foundation and epitome of human stability, so a relationship such as this is significant, which made the above event all the more confusing. Why would you leave something important behind? Was I really not that important? Did you not value our friendship that we had developed over the last few years? My theory and answer to these questions came from a book I had read a few years back and learned to apply to relationships/friendships: He' just not that into you. You, my reader, may be laughing or chuckling at that, but it is true. If you are truly wanted and important enough to a person that person will do anything in his/her power to keep you close because of your value to that individual. The person will want to explore who you are, share some of your interests, and even ensure your safety. It is when this things stop and a person changes that you realize your lack of worth.
The next day after the parking lot scene, I decided to move no matter how broke I was because unfortunately, at the time, the one thing that gave me ease and true happiness just threw me in the metaphoric dumpster. Why stick around and invest in something or someone that does not want you? It is like running into a brick wall hoping to actually get somewhere (or as Einstein so eloquently stated, 'Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results').
I will say this person did come back into my life...temporarily. I informed the friend of my plans knowing that because of how close we had become it would be difficult to add distance into the equation, but you see I had planned to keep in touch as much as possible because that is what you do for friends and yes, I AM THAT KIND OF FRIEND.
I hate to admit it, but with weeks before my move, I have been demoted or dare I say replaced. I am not saying you cannot have more than one friend and I am not saying that change is wrong, but how you handle it can be wrong. This person sought out other individuals in my replacement to the point that the person no longer has time for the friend who had been there during significant times in the individual's life. I have to wonder, at times, what was it all worth? I already wasted time on one person and now feel like I did it again. Do not get me wrong, my feelings for this person have not really changed...much, but with every conversation I lose a little bit. When you are told that you are not that important anymore you tend to walk away because this is an indication of something completely toxic in correlation to confusion. Friendships are easy with complicated bumps in the road, this....this in my personal opinion is inexcusable. I hate to tell you this, but I find that the significance in a healthy relationship is mutual. One person cannot value the other at a higher rate, which makes it easier for me as the days go by to incorporate the thought of 'out of sight, out of mind.' I no longer am obligated to be the friend I was prior and I no longer need to be the friend who was going to work to keep the contact. The choice to remain friends would need to be dictated by the one that left, hoping the other party would accept the individual.
Yes, life contains many changes and as obviously depicted, contains a change in heart, which can be one of the hardest things to do. 'For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.' I keep repeating this concept in my mind as I acknowledge the changes in my life knowing in my mind there is a reason while my heart fights with full regret trying to fathom any understanding in the confusion. Should I have been supportive in particular situations? Should I have made available time for the individual? Should I have allowed myself to care for this person? In general, should I have wasted my time if this was just going to be the inevitable antics of the individual? Where does the love go?........Everything has a reason.
Music to reference that helped me in the past:
Frozen by Madonna- I love Madonna's older works. The minor keys and pulsating music gave me comfort as I related to the presentation of a frozen heart, which in many changing factors can be a type of protection or self-preservation.
You'll See by Madonna- Did I mention I love Madonna's older works? I always considered this a polite way of telling someone 'f*** you, I'll be fine without you.' This was an empowering song to me depicting the idea of walking away from someone and not looking back. In everything we do we must own it, even our changes........
P.S. You broke my heart....
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