Wisdom, Courage, and Dignity

I...have some great friends and these friends have been helping me through a tough time in my life to the point where I need to take the reigns and lead onward.

There will always be a reason why you meet people.

Either you need them to change your life,

or you're the one who will change theirs.

I recently learned that I changed a person's life, but I am not quite sure the person understood what was learned.  You learn to be a friend only to dessert another, the one that stood by your side in a time of need, was there at your beck and call, and was there to show you that you are a person of importance? And what did you do?  You showed that person how unimportant the individual is to you for greener pastures.

-I was your cure and you were my disease.  I was saving you, but you were killing me.

A person who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd.

A person who walks alone is likely to find his/herself in places 

no one has ever been before.

This could be applied in multiple faucets. One, exploring greener pastures and two, walking away from something when it is time.  I have forgiven, but not forgotten.  I have embraced losses and stopped regretting, but I have temporarily rid myself of the memories as they were only meaningful to me at one point.  Now the same memories are reenacted with those whom I have been replace.

Never ignore a person that loves you, cares for you, and misses you

because one day you might wake up from your sleep

and realize that you lost the moon while counting the stars.

Actions do speak louder than words.  When a person starts to do the opposite of once was you learn where you truly stand.  When the calls stop, when the communication dissipates, trust begins to dwindle, and the things said or expressed become a hypocritical contradiction you know you have lost your worth.  I have learned that I have, figuratively, stayed on the moon too long and need to pay attention to my stars. 

-Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met

There comes a point when you have to realize that you'll never be good enough for some people.

The question is, is that your problem or theirs?

...and then all of a sudden she changed. 

She came back a completely different person with a new mindset,

a new outlook and a new soul.

The girl that once cared way too much about everyone and everything

no longer cared at all.

So did I learn a lesson?  Yes, I did and even though I have forgiven the person who has caused the pain, I will not forget the repeated offense.  I was told once that people in any type of relationship, defined from friendship and beyond, continuously hurt each other and sometimes it is the same offense.  The interesting part of this theory is that with the people closest to me, I have not experienced this and if so, those individuals left my life. 

However, the friends I have now have taught me something in correlation to my loss.  I seemed to have lost heart.  People whom I barely knew recognize this loss and I get this feeling that because of my loss there is a loss for them as well.  I never knew I had this much of an impression.  I was even told by a couple people, who I have only met a couple times, that due to my move I will be missed.  First, again I did not know my impact.  Second, it is nice to know when you are missed.

So with the realization of this gift, that I apparently need to find again, I have a bit more strength to move onward. 

-Without communication, there is no relationship.  Without respect, there is no love.  Without trust, there is no reason to continue.

I am going to continue with the mindset and the acknowledgment that I should not chase things that do not exist or that keep running from me.  If you are truly wanted, it will be made known.  In my lesson, I have learned that besides playing Marco Polo with my heart, I have the gift (friend) 

....who is going to confirm my deductions and my thoughts,  

.... of an ear/eye to listen/read and help rid my mind of its insane imprisonment

....of a friend who sees things in life somewhat the same as I do so I do not feel completely demented ;)

....of distraction to remind me of what is important in life, and

....of protection from someone who would be by my side in an instant.

Life is ironic in that we need to experience one thing in order to understand the opposing view.  Example: We need pain to understand happiness.  So like I stated, I have some great friends who use their talents to strengthen mine.  The value of importance and meaning, when you do not have to fight alone.  The special thing about these people is that they understand no matter my condition, I would fight for them just as hard.

The time has come and my list of goals is expanding.  I may have to do them alone.....and then again maybe not, but at least I keep moving.

Knowing when to walk away is wisdom.

Being able to is courage.

Walking away, with your head held high is dignity.

P.S. Goodbye...

Newton's Law in a Change of Heart

Changes happen frequently in life.  Some say 'things happen for a reason' or even 'let it go because if it was meant to be it will return to you,' but even the journey to a destination is not promised to be easy.

I have learned that life comes in cycles.  We have our good days and our bad days, our worse days and our mediocre days, but the specific entity is how we act or react to these occasions.  Face it, humanity can be as simple as science like when Newton states, 'For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.'  When one person acts a specific way another person's actions may or may not be favorable in response.

For the past few months I have been planning to relocate due to professional and personal growth, but there is this thing in life call 'money' that can at time dictate a person's life.  I will admit that I am one of those individuals who believes 'things happen for a reason,' and in the course of an event I made a split decision that I do not regret now.  I had a person, dear to my heart, tell me to leave the person's life and not care about the individual anymore; once said, I was left stranded, broken-hearted in a parking lot in utter confusion.  

What you need to first understand is I have learned the value of friendship, the foundation and epitome of human stability, so a relationship such as this is significant, which made the above event all the more confusing.  Why would you leave something important behind? Was I really not that important? Did you not value our friendship that we had developed over the last few years?  My theory and answer to these questions came from a book I had read a few years back and learned to apply to relationships/friendships: He' just not that into you.  You, my reader, may be laughing or chuckling at that, but it is true.  If you are truly wanted and important enough to a person that person will do anything in his/her power to keep you close because of your value to that individual.  The person will want to explore who you are, share some of your interests, and even ensure your safety.  It is when this things stop and a person changes that you realize your lack of worth.

The next day after the parking lot scene, I decided to move no matter how broke I was because unfortunately, at the time, the one thing that gave me ease and true happiness just threw me in the metaphoric dumpster.  Why stick around and invest in something or someone that does not want you?  It is like running  into a brick wall hoping to actually get somewhere (or as Einstein so eloquently stated, 'Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results').  

I will say this person did come back into my life...temporarily.  I informed the friend of my plans knowing that because of how close we had become it would be difficult to add distance into the equation, but you see I had planned to keep in touch as much as possible because that is what you do for friends and yes, I AM THAT KIND OF FRIEND. 

I hate to admit it, but with weeks before my move, I have been demoted or dare I say replaced.  I am not saying you cannot have more than one friend and I am not saying that change is wrong, but how you handle it can be wrong.  This person sought out other individuals in my replacement to the point that the person no longer has time for the friend who had been there during significant times in the individual's life.  I have to wonder, at times, what was it all worth?  I already wasted time on one person and now feel like I did it again.  Do not get me wrong, my feelings for this person have not really changed...much, but with every conversation I lose a little bit.  When you are told that you are not that important anymore you tend to walk away because this is an indication of something completely toxic in correlation to confusion.  Friendships are easy with complicated bumps in the road, this....this in my personal opinion is inexcusable.  I hate to tell you this, but I find that the significance in a healthy relationship is mutual.  One person cannot value the other at a higher rate, which makes it easier for me as the days go by to incorporate the thought of 'out of sight, out of mind.'  I no longer am obligated to be the friend I was prior and I no longer need to be the friend who was going to work to keep the contact.  The choice to remain friends would need to be dictated by the one that left, hoping the other party would accept the individual.

Yes, life contains many changes and as obviously depicted, contains a change in heart, which can be one of the hardest things to do. 'For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.'   I keep repeating this concept in my mind as I acknowledge the changes in my life knowing in my mind there is a reason while my heart fights with full regret trying to fathom any understanding in the confusion.  Should I have been supportive in particular situations?  Should I have made available time for the individual?  Should I have allowed myself to care for this person?  In general, should I have wasted my time if this was just going to be the inevitable antics of the individual? Where does the love go?........Everything has a reason.

Music to reference that helped me in the past:
Frozen by Madonna-  I love Madonna's older works.  The minor keys and pulsating music gave me comfort as I related to the presentation of a frozen heart, which in many changing factors can be a type of protection or self-preservation.
You'll See by Madonna- Did I mention I love Madonna's older works?  I always considered this a polite way of telling someone 'f*** you, I'll be fine without you.' This was an empowering song to me depicting the idea of walking away from someone and not looking back.  In everything we do we must own it, even our changes........



P.S. You broke my heart....