"Work doesn't define you, _______"

I was recently told this statement within the last week as journey into the break up of one relationship into the establishment of another.  This statement range true in my mind and yet it puzzled me on what actually defines me.  Hard work?  Determination?  Strength?  Although I have preached many times on strength as it is a term that has taken me far in the last couple years considering how many times I have shoved or smacked down in my own personal life.  Getting back up is a struggle...for anyone at times and strength is no longer defined by the physical core of a human.  Strength has become the tool of another entity:  determination.

Where is this established and how is it made?  Struggles, the reactions we choose once we meet the pavement.  I see many people these days give up, not only kissing the pavement because they have been knocked down, but then kissing it to establish a relationship where they choose not to get up.  They lie there expecting that things will be handed to them not knowing that the hand to help them up can only reach so far in order to not become victim to the pavement also. 

I might say that I consider myself lucky some days because I had parents who instilled in me a bit of a fight, one that at one time saved my life.  At a young age, I spent a lot of time with my mother and I watched how she raised my siblings and I on what seemed like next to nothing financially, but included things beyond money and material items:  the value of a team/family.  My father then taught me to challenge things, to question norms, and expect explanations whether logical or not.

What does this have to do with the statement titling this entry?  I go to work to my team/family multiple days of the week determined to contribute to the success of the team.  What does that mean?  In short, I figure out how I can benefit my professional family and leave it in better condition than when I left it.  I do this through the drive to provide quality work, to mark off tasks on the team's "checklist", and through helping my professional family members personally and professionally.  I am determined to achieve success in many aspects of life, professionally in this case, but I am NOT going to leave anyone behind who presents the willingness of success as well.  To me, success does not include one person, but includes many and my success is their success (can we say how trite/cliche that sounds? LOL).  

So the state, "Work doesn't define you, _______" was tossed at me because my passion burned a bit deep and I gave too much of myself as I ran into a moment of derailment.  Is there such thing as too much determination?  Too much fight?  Yes, when it takes over who you are to the point that success is just that and lacks in quality.  Sometimes it takes a person a bit of a verbal slap to the face to show you that "I understand, but you need to remain true to yourself also."  Derailing is how to lose one's self while  verbal vomiting is a procedure to fix your your engine. ;)  

This statement does not stop here, but allows for provoking thought.  So what defines a person?  What defines you?  What puzzle pieces reflect you?  Maybe, what defines us are the things we want in life (beyond material assets, of course).  I was not intended to find an answer here or even define one today, but I did want to share in this thought to see what people came up with for themselves.  Feel free to share and if not....enjoy!

Those Moments When I Shut Up

Pardon me for sounding like a giddy school grade girl, but I LOVE it when people surprise me (Sorry, guys, I know you-Creepy, right?).  I may be working on my graduate degree in English, but that does not necessarily mean I am "good" at talking.  However, I am "good" at listening. >:)

For those of you who do not know, when I shut up...that means you are in trouble.  Terms such as smartass and sarcastic were used and it was interesting to me to see how individuals discuss these terms with the idea of complete understanding when society dictates the implied meaning.  What do I do?  Haha (yes, that was an evil laugh).  I go home to research the terms considering that IS my field of study (*pretend superhero voice*  I feel a sense of responsibility and obligation to my fellow... Oh fuck it!) LOL

Anyway, smartass was defined by the individual to be something condescending or viewed with negative perspective, so being the smartass  that I am, I told the individual that I was a sarcastic person.  (Did you catch that there?).  I have this ringing in my ears every so often as I use the word sarcasm, or any form of it, as I think back to my high school English teacher with his superiority complex, educationing feeble minds in terms such as sarcasm and fudge packer.  As much as I disliked the teacher, I will say the individual taught me a few things about English. 1) How dissecting a word will give you insight to its meaning and 2) Where our language comes from or is formed, which is where I first learned the meaning of sarcasm.  Before I tangent too far, sarcasm is actually formally defined to be the condescending term while smartass (or smart ass-Might have to change to bilingual mode of using smart arse. :P), is a form of sarcasm. 

Hmmmm, what a concept? Per individual perspective and interpretation versus formality, proves that...well, obviously we were not on the same page as far as the conversation is concerned.  Yes, I am laughing hysterically at this considering this is why I love language, specifically English.  What I think was meant to be defined was the difference between sarcasm  and satire.  I, personally, use them interchangeably due to society's understanding and interpretation, but in blunt terms...sarcasm is mean and satire is nice in using irony. (Yes, that is a very simple definition).

I may not have proven much, besides I know my terms and how to do research.  I admitted I use everyday terminology incorrect to grasp a concept on the correct and incorrect utilization of words by anyone and everyone around me.  I sit here with a bit of satisfaction, after my mind was stalemated, thinking that I should shut up more often.  Sadly, when I do, people think I am ignorant when really...I am just proving you wrong.

Making the Most of a New Year: 2016

In the last twenty-four hours millions of people have been rehashing the choices made or the actions taken during the past year or 2015, which is a pretty typical thing to do during the turning of a new year.  I, for a good reading laugh, did not, like last year, spend the turning of the new year in the bathroom.  (I know, you all smile at that in a 'palm to forehead' moment).  

While people reflect back, they begin to make plans on improvements upon how to make the next year better by creating "resolutions". This year I did some reflecting, but with one change of only making one resolution, to not make any resolutions. (Ironic not?)  Instead, this coming new year I am going to be pushing for something a bit more.  I am going to push for accomplishing goals and ones that can potentially be achievable.

So I have the typical school and work (boy, do I sound like a boring adult), but then there is the goal to improve my health even further than the year before.  I may not be getting any younger, even though I am technically not THAT old, but I do not ever want to really feel "old," however that may feel exactly.  I want to run further, walk faster, breathe easier, and lift more than I did before.  I do not want to become big beefy looking lady, not that it is bad, it is just not what I desire.  I am proud that in leaving 2015 I have, however, been able to lift/press/push half my weight with my upper body and arms while going beyond my own weight using my legs.  Considering past years I feel this is an accomplishment that can only grow allowing me to, hopefully, this year run a 5K, Mudrun, or some sort of physical test of accomplishment that will allow me to progress to the next level.  (Whatever I decide that to be).

Another goal this  year is to try new things, one every week if possible.  Yes, this is vague and open, but that is done on purpose.  I am currently in a new town and still able to explore, so there are restaurants that I have not tried, events I MUST attend, and people I NEED to meet.  For instance, if finances allow, I want to go sky-diving.  Ok, everyone who shriveled up inside themselves can come out now.  I want to fly, to spread my arms and feel the air rush around me and through my hair.  I want this feeling of accomplishment as I face a fear proving that some part of me is invincible even if it is just my spirit...as I could break a leg during the course of my landing.  The point is, I am not going to sit here and ask the 'what if' questions anymore.  Instead of wasting time pondering I plan to make choices. Go left or right? Right.  Black or white? White.  To wait for an answer or move on? Move on.  If I have to waste time pondering, then I really did not want the answer I am pondering over.  Sometimes these answers are stronger than us and we need to just accept them and run, run wild and free.

What concerns me at times is when a person says that he/she is making every living minute of his/her life count, but then when you see them later on whether it be a few minutes, hours, months, or years, that person still has not DONE anything of substance.  I have, oddly enough, found some of these people sitting on the couch drinking a beer while laughing at some odd thing on TV.  I agree on the concept of wanting to make every minute count, but that includes those moments where I STILL need to learn to relax, to not think and just...be.  I may not know the 'true meaning of [my] existence' although I would like to explore something more that I have to offer.  I want to present something creatively, but while doing my own thing, I also want to explore the ideas and concepts of others.  I want to see the world through someone else's eyes and not as a negative form, but with the idea that there are POSSIBILITIES.  With this in mind, I want to spend more time helping others.  I have, in the past, been a person who seems to be a stepping stone for others to achieve greatness and now I want to be...a bigger stone?  I know it sounds a bit silly, although the more I help the stronger I can make the world around me.

Hmm....I seem to have stumbled across something, how strength is a bigger part of me as a person.  I do not know how many of you have read past posts, which reflect many different trials and tribulations, which offer much to be viewed on what can define strength.

So what does this year hold for me personally?
-Strength
-Facing of fears
-A bit of carelessness (within reason I suppose since I am 'a responsible adult')
-Experience
-To embrace that idea that I did something with my life instead of waste it

With that all said and done, I offer to any of you reading this to join me, even if you are just watching me from the sidelines as I smash into a tree on my sky-diving landing (this would be just my luck).  I welcome anyone who, like me, is passionate about wanting the most from live.....and then some. :-D

Three of Life's Considerations.

In the last month a few thoughts, statements, or dare I say "theories", have been tossed my way leaving me to reexamine the time that has passed.  Obviously a new year is about to start and I am taking the necessary typical precautions to hash out mistakes to improve upon because we all know that is what we are "suppose" to do; however, something feels different this year.

1)     Sporadic choices.

         This year I came upon crossroads only to repeatedly bang my head against the sign (about a million times) before I sprinted down the path I am currently travelling.  You see, life supplies a safety net and safety bars for you to grab indicating you are in the right place at the right time and when all safety features disappear you grab onto the nearest rock on the cliff, from which you are dangling, and make the choice.  Do I let go and jump to the unknown below or do I play it safe and climb up to the top of the cliff? (Giving that I know how to rock climb, which I do not at this time.)  So me, have a bit of a rebellious personality, let go.  I let go of all security measures, praying that at the bottom I would not die, that I was making the right choice, or even that there was the inevitable “something more” waiting for me at the end. 

          Let’s just say, I will let you know when I get to the bottom considering my questions have yet to contain any clear answers.

2)       Be the change…

          I am sure many of you have heard the saying “Be the change you wish to see in the world” in reference to a quote by Gandhi.  This quote has been stuck in my head for some time for a few different reasons.  One, apparently the New York Times published an article stating that Gandhi was misquoted, which makes me ask if any “quote” is actually a quote at all considering how literature is rewritten and people are misunderstood. (Anyone remember the ‘telephone game’ from grade school and how one message got misconstrued?). 

          Two, I do not think ‘change’ is the word I would use.  What happened to inspiring someone?  Like, “I want you to do better.  I want you to take this idea and run with it.  I want you to grow from this experience.  I believe there is more to you no matter anyone else’s doubt.”  I try to believe the best in people and have felt that sometimes I might be a stepping-stone to greatness because I push and I challenge people.  You want someone to be the devil’s advocate?  That is right, look at me, right here, BRING IT ON!!  For me, when I invest in a person or I tell that person I believe the individual has more to offer, I would hope that person takes this as a great compliment considering it is rare for me to put forth any effort in something/someone.  In time you realize the things that need an investment, given the opportunity, and you realize when you are just wasting your time by how much that individual is choosing to invest in you.  I question a couple recent incidents and if I am wasting time, but my belief is always that ‘time will tell’.  I just wish I had a bit more patience if not a preview into the future for delegating such time.  :P

3)       Life sucks.

          I do not know about any of you who just read those two words, but they provide me with a giggle and a bit of acknowledging truth considering the person who recently made the statement.  I think this is out of context as well.  The proper way to look at it is probably best stated in the 90s sitcom Boy Meets World, which is a realistic point of view of a title if you think about how we live our lives, but the statement of truth is that ‘Life is tough, get a helmet’ (Grier).

          There are two ways to look at this statement.  One, personally I am a bit of a klutz who falls walking, so I might need the helmet along with knee pads, elbows pads, and while you are at it…just wrap me up in bubble wrap.  Actually, delete that last part because I would then fall on purpose to pop the bubble wrap, but you get my dementedly twisted ideal train of thought.  Two, yes life is tough unless you have purpose.  I have made my own purpose.  I am not living for myself anymore, but for others.  I wake up in the morning and try to find something that I have not done or tried, partially because it makes for a great story when I do something completely awkward.  Whether or not this can be accomplished or not is a different story, but then I like to find something new to experience in the people around me.  Life is an adventure to which we offered only so much, that if we choose to let opportunity pass, we lose out.

          So what do you do when…

          …a person’s grocery bag breaks and the contents are spread all over the floor?

          …when a man cannot get his scooter through the snow because someone did not scoop it in accordance with city regulations?

          …when an elderly person engages in conversation with you, of what you view as nonsense, because the person is lonely and sometimes we all just need to talk?

          …when a person needs acknowledgment because the individual feels invisible to the rest of the crowded world?

          …when you are given a choice and do not take a risk?

So where does all this leave me?  Exhausted!  One of these days I will, again, be able to just let go and trust that in my new environment I will be caught because it takes a lot to hold everything together.  I will hopefully, once again, find that one puzzle piece I have been missing instead of just going through the motions because I feel that is what I am to do.  With big risks, they say, come big rewards (not to be a pessimist, but so come big losses), so onward I proceed finding adventure in the nooks and crannies that are commonly overlooked in the first place.

Grier, Emily. Everything I needed to know in life I learned from ‘Boy Meets World’. 19 July 2011. Web. 21 December 2015.

MORTON, BRIAN. Falser Words Were Never Spoken. 29 August 2011. Web. 21 December 2015.

Not What It Is, But What It Could Be...

Everything is never as it seems and yet it is everything it is meant to be, everything you wished for and nothing at all.  Confused yet?  Let's just say some inspiration came in the form of New Year's Eve, which you could say came a little early while the concept was boiling into an explosion that seems to be bursting at the mouth with the intent of a "fresh start".  

A "fresh start", a concept that sounds a bit like I am talking about produce with the initial term "fresh" although takes a turn to define something to be newly created.  Many lessons have been learned in the terms of the 2011 and 2015 standings, but my forevermore eternal optimistic outlook is still in a thirst for something MORE.  There are many things in life that I have yet to accomplish, experience, explain, or tell a story about with great exaggeration in a highly animated persona.  Is it sad to want everything and then some?...and maybe a little bit more?....ok, still not satisfied. :D (Talk about greedy).

The movie New Year's Eve reminded me of another favorite of mine,  Under the Tuscan Sun. A divorcee moves to Italy, establishes a home where she wishes for a wedding and a family.  What does she get?  She gets her wish even though not in the form she expected.  The neighbor kids get married in her home and her best friend moves into the house with a baby, establishing a family.  Michelle Pfeiffer and Zac Efron reflect upon two individuals whose lives come together with odd obligations.  Pfeiffer requests that Efron, a messenger boy, fulfill her "to do" list before midnight when the new year commences.  In less than a day she wants to accomplish things such as "save a life" or "travel to Bali".  I will admit here that I love Efron's character, who is able to think outside the box beyond norms and able to give Pfeiffer what she desires.  So how does one travel to Bali in less than a day?  Efron finds a spa with a similar experience that if a person were to travel to Bali.  How does one save a life in less than a day?  Efron has Pfeiffer adopt a dog who would have otherwise been put to sleep.

Then question then remains, how do we accomplish our goals when it seems like the world or even fate is against us?  We travel to New York City to watch the ball drop on New Year's Eve!  Wrong!  We think outside the box!  I guess my plans for the upcoming yearis to try as many more new things as possible, visit my possibilities, expand my horizons, and in all aspects be gracious for the time allotted for adventure...

My Superpower of Invisibility

A superpower?  Me?  I regular human and I have to make a point that I have this extremely rare superpower of invisibility.  It is not the superpower I would have chosen, technically, but I try to embrace and harness such strength in such a mortal superpower.  

So I bet you are curious as to how this superpower of mine works?

It is actually quite simple and basically about perspective.  Generally, the power of invisibility may bring to mind Susan Storm Richards, better known as Invisible Woman from the Fantastic Four where, if you have seen the movie, Jessica Alba becomes invisible to the point of where clothing is an issue.  Nope! Sorry!  Not that type of power or vulnerability for that matter (I would like to prevent nightmares than create them). If you are a bit younger, you might remember Violet from the Incredibles where the guy she was crushing on never seemed to notice her, yet he sensed her.  Nope! Still not right!  Maybe, just maybe my power works like Harry Potter's "Cloak of Invisibility" where I cover up and am gone.  Poof!  No more me!  Cute imagination, right?  If only it were that easy.  So how does my inevitably courageous and extremely rare power work?  Ever heard of hiding things in plain sight?

The best example I can think of it magic tricks.  Everything is right in front of your face until your attention is misdirected while the "trick" is being performed.  I operate the same way.  Sometimes when I want to disappear I find a heavily populated area and walk around with purpose or as if I have somewhere to be.  People do not notice someone who quickly walks passed them because they are too consumed with their own lives to necessarily care.  The talent begins when you can do this in the middle of group of people know you are there, but do not "know" you are there.

At times I find myself in a group of people, I do not seem to fit in, I am not talking because I have nothing to contribute, so I quietly slip away.  Most of the time no one notices.  Sometimes I wish they had, but other times I slip away because I need to leave for my own sanity allowing me a bit of empowerment.  Why subject yourself to an environment where you are uncomfortable and technically no one notices if you are there or not?  The empowerment is created by taking control of the situation and removing yourself from the uncomfortable environment or for me lately...randomly wandering around the mall until I cannot stand the multitudes of bodies consuming all the oxygen to the point where I cannot breath. :P

Is there a point to this? No, not today.  Maybe someday down the road it might just become the notes to an incredible story of a girl who inspired something beyond amazing, but then, considering the path of some writers, I might have to die first which to me would be similar to that power of invisibility again, only in a different aspect.  For now, I will come an go as I please, noticed or unnoticed, and see where it takes me.  Will I inspire another...or maybe I will just inspire myself?

P.S. Remember Superheroes, no capes!-Edna 'E' Mode

Games vs. Truth: The Opportunity of Choice

The inevitable love letter, the proclamation of desirable commitment, the unattainable fairy-tale, and the yearning for the triumphed conquest of the underdog.  So why do we continuously seek out this companionship, in representation, knowing very well the curse that bellows from the bottomless pit of risk?  Why do we repeatedly inflict this emotional self-mutilation upon ourselves only to endure the childish games of adult adolescence in fear of truth?  What happened to the existence of honesty, direct candor, and the understanding that not all puzzle pieces click together?  If such case existed with the fear of provoking pain, why not utter truth as it is the deception that causes more pain out of disrespect?

Maybe I am some kind of joke, but I would rather be exposed to the truth than deceived by lies or even silence.  Unfortunately, I am consumed by the misfortune of ill-fated ignorance of an incoherent thought leading only to confusion with the naive victim left in complete bewilderment.  

So the question then arises, to which truth shall be followed?

Perhaps there is no answer to the problem, but yet a resolution lying in the choice of prevention  to walk away or as I refer to it, "going off the grid."  There is no need to subject yourself to the power of another, by which "walking away" allows for self-control and choice instead of hanging onto those 'what if' questions you make your own answer.

By choice, you had a chance and did not take it without realizing that life does not allow for 'rewind' or 'do-overs'.  For this, I pity you, the one who now lacks control, for now all you have is the leftover crumbs of greatness and the rot beyond insanity that dwells in the void of unfinished business.  I pray for mercy upon you as the once established hope no longer exists as an entity of worth, but an attribute of shame as it is annihilated from its very essence, one so pure that it is inexhaustibly misunderstood.

So I look at you now with the augmented understanding assimilated to the phrase "Fuck You" as I recognize the actuality of something almost inspiring as a piece of me still defends the ever-ending hopeless attraction with the utter farewell.  However, the unfolding truth that hope is for the fool, while the determination for fulfillment is for the insightful, realizing that waiting for a response is not as effective as ascertaining one's own intentions.

~Thank you...