Some things change what we do, who we are with, and how we look at the world. Some times we fall flat on our face only to bruise. Other times our pain is more than just physical and need MUCH longer to heal. Sometimes it doesn't go away.
Besides all the pain and joy that we go through in life, what is our main priority? I started to think about this more really early this morning as a good friend of mine asked me 'Why do you blame yourself? Why does it have to be something wrong with you and not them?'. My answer/thoughts, it had to be me because I am the only thing I can fix or even change. As I wrote in a story, 'I thought if only I could have improved, would he have loved me more? If I could have been the woman he was really attracted to, would ever have loved me?'. I have also been taught that if you don't like something, change it or change how you look at it.
So, after some deep thinking I am changing how I look at where I am right now. I don't play games anymore, unless it is the occasional board game like 'LIFE'. Games are for people who are fake and really do not know what they want. I on the other hand know that I am not going to live here for the rest of my life. There is nothing holding me here after my business is done. I also know that I want more out of life than what I have now. I always want to be better than I was before. I want to grow and experience as much as I can.
I set my perspective where it should be. Writing. My concentration should be set on 'who [I] want to be.' I think it is time to head back to Paris.
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