Valentine's Day

This weekend I walked around some stores and noticed Valentine's everywhere.  I remember when I was in elementary school where you had to pick out cute little Valentine cards with candy to give to your class.  As funny as it may sound,  I always had to pick out the one perfect card for each person based on what they meant to me.  As I got older the holiday lost its meaning.  I used to tell people that if you were not in the mush it was not worth it.  I was never one of those to get the flowers, the jewelry, or the candy.  In high school I may have been a bit jealous of those girls until I realized, "Why do I want someone to feel obligated to tell me they love me on this specific day?"  I would personally prefer someone tell me out of the blue "I love you" and mean it.  On Valentine's Day it does not seem that it would hold any genuine meaning to me.


Now I am not saying that if it is said to someone it is not genuine, but then why did you 'go all out' for this one particular day of the year?  Did you not love me enough before this day?  Why only love me one day when you can love me for more?  

I understand that if you are reading this you may wonder why my heart is so cold.  My love cheated on me on Valentine's Day.  The depressing part is that he was with someone else that day and I was left alone.  I remember he had the nerve to bring the Valentine's Day card from the other woman home.  He never knew I found it, but the words still ring in my head..."You have awaken the love in me."  I never want to feel that pain ever again.  Do you know what it is like to hate and love someone so much that you almost want to kill them, but know you cannot?  To give you an honest picture, it is a burning pain in your chest that makes you want to rip your heart out operating as if you were a robot.  For Wizard of Oz sake the Tinman did not know what he was getting himself into.  For that moment, I envied him.


Even though I was not able to rip my heart out, I have closed it a bit.....ok, a lot.  That hate that I felt stayed with me for so long and it was not me.  I believe that everyone has a dark side and that, we will say, was definitely too deep for me.