Today I woke up in a dark mood, one that was not normally me. The feeling was recognized from my past, but because I have other things to get done during my day I surpressed it as much as possible.
The night grew dark outside the window, but the glass was cold. She knew that with one hit the glass would shatter and she would be free. The cage that held her, separated her from the rest of the world. There was no touch, no feeling, just complete and utter numbness. Each night she cried as her chest would rise and fall with each breathe. They did not see her. She was a disease.
During the course of the day there were times where I could be distracted, but unfortunately that never lasted long. It is funny how you can be yourself yet feel like you are someone else watching you. I remember the feeling of my eyes sinking into my head as I tried to focus on the task at hand. Days like these wear me out because of how much brain power I have to use. My thoughts ran back to seventh grade.
The wound was fresh. The blood dripped down as the punture hole grew. She had tried to avoid it as much as possible, but it was her destiny. The lats thing she remembered was grabbing her chest hoping the pain was subside. She was alone again. How had this happened? How had she allowed the pain to get this strong and tear her apart? Why couldn't someone have just held her for a moment before she disappeared forever.
I went to my dark place today. It is not pleasant there and actually very dangerous for me. Sometimes it takes days to fight my way back. You can run, you can yell, you can scream for help and somehow you can still end up alone. The weather is never the same except the rain. It pours here leaving me tredging the extra weight of wet clothes. In the past I have left them behind and forgotten them knowing they were unnecessary baggage. During the night I do have trouble finding a place to sleep, so I usuallly have to curl up in the sand to keep warm. Surprisingly my body has never frozen, but the last time Mother Nature took my heart. As long as I continued to walk on my journey she would allow me to live for the price of the heart. I did not need it anyway.
Continuing on my path my body wore out on me. By the time I reach home, being back to normal, my clothes were ripped and most of my body bled. Still, no one heard my tears.
Well if you are reading this I am sure you are pretty lost. Welcome to my mind. I did go to a dark place today and since it is not normally the type of person I am, I think of it as a reflection in a mirror that I visit from time to time. I may not physically go to this place, but I reside here in a beautifully broke way that no one else sees me as. I worry one of these days that my visit will become permanent which I have fotunately prevented so far. Right now I am hoping someone just comes through the door and holds me for a bit. Maybe it will give me the strength to return a bit faster.
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