Humble Labels

Recently I spoke with a friend of mine and this person triggered some anger in me that made me ask myself why I was friends with someone so arrogant and yet so ignorant.

This friend told me a story how the individual’s looks changed and all of a sudden the friend was getting, well, more attention than usual.  The friend droned on a bit and with each word coming out of the mouth on the other side of the phone, I could feel my anger grow. 

You see this person had also recently talked to me about labels.  Labels, in this conversation, referred to sexual orientation or reference any other prejudices that exist and this friend expressed not wanting to be identified by a label: ‘I am more than just [a label].  I am a person.’  Well, that is all true, but when a person becomes so narcissistically arrogant about looks or about weight, is this not taking away a person’s humanity the same way as if a label were applied?  Now instead of being associated with any of the titles above, the friend made a personal label of being ‘just a shell’ and not a person.  To me, this is a contradiction of an arrogant fool. 

Twenty-four hours later and I am still bothered by this to the point that contact with someone like this is actually damaging to any relationship because judging on one aspect of a person is not actually knowing the person as a whole. I am a female who is attracted to males, I am considered in a race defined as ‘white’ even though ‘white’ is not ACTUALLY a race, but I am also a daughter, a sister, a writer, an English graduate student, etc.  Wow!  Look at how all those labels made me a complete person.

As I continued to steam about what I now considered to be a ‘stupid friend’ (haha….another label), I thought back to a childhood movie I loved and still love to watch every now and then.  The movie was 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up.  In the movie, the boys are trying to be heroes, but instead become cocky because of their talents as ninjas, which make the grandfather angry.  The boys protest, saying they were just helping others, while the grandfather states they only did it to help themselves.  The grandfather points at a flower saying, ‘Now this, is what I meant by a correct path for a ninja…See these beautiful flowers?  You must learn to be like them.’

What does this mean? It means, listen to the flowers and listen to what they say.  The boys answer this concept at the end of the movie by realizing that the flowers say ‘Nothing.  They don’t want to show off how pretty they are.  They just wanna be pretty.’ 

No one wants to be known by ‘just’ a label and no one wants to be known ‘just’ by looks, so my question to everyone is, why put yourself in that box? Why decline one label only to embrace another that makes you even less of a human/person and just the shell of one?  Maybe I am ignorant, but I have never understood why I have to have a certain look to be worth something, then again that applies to all labels as well.

So to this friend of mine:

Learn to love yourself as a person and not a label especially if you want someone else to love you and not your label.  A relationship does thrive on looks because looks fade.  A relationship does not thrive on your sexual orientation, your race, or any other potential prejudices because it can only thrive on the person, the personality and if you do not have that…well, let’s just say you won’t survive any relationship you desire and for that, I feel sorry for you.

Not Feeling the Love on Valentine's Day

For the next few hours people, mainly couples, are enjoying the idea love, which is the main focus of Valentine's Day.  Many of you who know me personally know that I do not like this holiday because to me it is setting up an obligation to say 'I love you.'  What about the other 364 days of the year? Do you not love me during those days? Not to mention the stereotypical thought of the man getting his wife or girlfriend something sweet like candy or jewelry.

Let's think about this a bit. Couples are now redefined so the stereotype should no longer exist, yet how many times do we hear about the wife or girlfriend getting the man something for Valentine's Day?  Not to mention society includes same-sex couples, leaving the stereotype thought completely diminished.

Do I need to mention the candy and jewelry?  We will start with the candy thought.  Yes, candy is nice and sweet and for interpretation sake translates to "...it was cheap at Walmart, but I know you like the caramel filled ones." (enter eye roll here).  Personally, I do not mind candy so much because of 'the thought that counts.'  However, it if February, two months into the new year directly after everyone, especially women, have made New Year's Resolutions to lose weight.  Now is that something you want to deal with when you give candy?  I guess I would not, but then again I would hope the other person is smart enough to know that I do not want candy. Jewelry is also typical because of the 'ooooo, shiny' affect it has on people.  Again, all thought and no substance even though I would not necessarily turn it down as I do like to accessorize with jewelry. (I did receive two very thoughtful pieces of jewelry recently that matched my personality and were not generic pieces.  That personal touch gives the piece meaning, which makes it important to me)

Flowers.  Think of the billions of dollars that are spent on flowers, specifically red roses, each year during Valentine's Day, not to mention how much the price is increased for demand.  This is stereotypical also.  Again, I would not turn it down, but I would not appreciate it as much because it is expected.  Now receiving dead roses, that is not expected, but nor is it appreciated. (Yes, that was sarcastic)

I guess my main problem is the obligation of an emotion that society throws around as a meaningless phrase.  People say 'I love you' everyday, but their actions do not reflect this as maybe there is abuse, infidelity, or maybe after all these years the spark is missing.  When I tell a person I love them, it is because I genuinely love that person and not because some significant title required me to say it.  I want the person who is going to love me 365 days of the year and not just one.  I want the person who is going to love me because that person truly has that feeling towards me and not because everyone around that person expected it to be said.  I also do not want Valentine's Day to be just about couples...you know, the ones that get all mushy making the rest of us want to gag.

I am not saying I would not appreciate the sentiment on Valentine's either.  I remember once in high school, a time where I was never coupled up, where I received flowers from my closest friends while they received them from their boyfriends at the time.  That is true love.  I have also received a mint and the specified Coke Zero used to put a smile on my face after a bad day.  That is true love. Actual true love is the thought beyond the stereotype, something personal. For me? Grab me a good book, a journal to write in, and a cup of coffee and I am on cloud nine ;)

To my true friends and family....I will never stop saying it, I love you all very much. And for shits and giggles :P HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.