Humble Labels

Recently I spoke with a friend of mine and this person triggered some anger in me that made me ask myself why I was friends with someone so arrogant and yet so ignorant.

This friend told me a story how the individual’s looks changed and all of a sudden the friend was getting, well, more attention than usual.  The friend droned on a bit and with each word coming out of the mouth on the other side of the phone, I could feel my anger grow. 

You see this person had also recently talked to me about labels.  Labels, in this conversation, referred to sexual orientation or reference any other prejudices that exist and this friend expressed not wanting to be identified by a label: ‘I am more than just [a label].  I am a person.’  Well, that is all true, but when a person becomes so narcissistically arrogant about looks or about weight, is this not taking away a person’s humanity the same way as if a label were applied?  Now instead of being associated with any of the titles above, the friend made a personal label of being ‘just a shell’ and not a person.  To me, this is a contradiction of an arrogant fool. 

Twenty-four hours later and I am still bothered by this to the point that contact with someone like this is actually damaging to any relationship because judging on one aspect of a person is not actually knowing the person as a whole. I am a female who is attracted to males, I am considered in a race defined as ‘white’ even though ‘white’ is not ACTUALLY a race, but I am also a daughter, a sister, a writer, an English graduate student, etc.  Wow!  Look at how all those labels made me a complete person.

As I continued to steam about what I now considered to be a ‘stupid friend’ (haha….another label), I thought back to a childhood movie I loved and still love to watch every now and then.  The movie was 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up.  In the movie, the boys are trying to be heroes, but instead become cocky because of their talents as ninjas, which make the grandfather angry.  The boys protest, saying they were just helping others, while the grandfather states they only did it to help themselves.  The grandfather points at a flower saying, ‘Now this, is what I meant by a correct path for a ninja…See these beautiful flowers?  You must learn to be like them.’

What does this mean? It means, listen to the flowers and listen to what they say.  The boys answer this concept at the end of the movie by realizing that the flowers say ‘Nothing.  They don’t want to show off how pretty they are.  They just wanna be pretty.’ 

No one wants to be known by ‘just’ a label and no one wants to be known ‘just’ by looks, so my question to everyone is, why put yourself in that box? Why decline one label only to embrace another that makes you even less of a human/person and just the shell of one?  Maybe I am ignorant, but I have never understood why I have to have a certain look to be worth something, then again that applies to all labels as well.

So to this friend of mine:

Learn to love yourself as a person and not a label especially if you want someone else to love you and not your label.  A relationship does thrive on looks because looks fade.  A relationship does not thrive on your sexual orientation, your race, or any other potential prejudices because it can only thrive on the person, the personality and if you do not have that…well, let’s just say you won’t survive any relationship you desire and for that, I feel sorry for you.