The first movie I remember seeing in the movie theater, even though my mother would beg to differ, was The Little Mermaid. As a little girl I remember wishing my eyes were blue and sparkled like Ariel's, that my voice was as mesmerizing as hers, and that I would have a prince to be as passionate about as Eric. I remember wanting to be her so much that I would practice my scales the same way they are sung in the movie, but even though I was nothing like her I still imagined myself as the star of my life, beautiful and precious in every way and that everyone should treat me as royalty. Reflecting on this thought probably makes me appear that I was a spoiled brat, which I probably was until I prayed and received siblings, but in the mind of a growing imagination my thoughts were positive in the idea of placing value on myself.
Later Disney produced the movie Beauty and the Beast, which has since been my favorite movie. Why? Because we can all identify with Belle and the Beast. Some days I wake up and I feel ugly and crampy like the Beast while other times I still believe that some day I will be a princess.
It was not until a recent feeling of apathetic healing that the chant, 'I do, I do, I do believe in fairies,' entered my mind in the voice of a child and soon....it was gone leaving only the adult voice saying, 'Life is not a fairy-tale.' This thought came to me in front of a mirror and as I looked up I could have sworn I saw the once glisten of a twinkle disappear into a tear. My apathetic composure had suffocated the childish hope right out of me.
I began to think about the chant that entered my mind, which stemmed from the 2003 version of Peter Pan starring the blue-eyed cutie Jeremy Sumpter, and realized that my belief of a world imagined is not necessarily the avoidance of reality, but the hope and prayer of possibilities. The fairy-tale of every Disney princess is to find a prince or find someone to share the journey and the story of your life. The fairy-tale of Peter Pan or Robin Hood is a possibility of adventure, fighting for something better than what currently exists. A fairy- tale exists exists to inspire that there is always something to reach for, something beyond what ever is in front of us, and the possibility of 'reaching for a star' to become something magnificent. Do I still sound like a dreamer?
Possibilities.....hope...they start to blend together if you think about them too long until the existence of apathy moves in. It does not mean you lose your imagination, but it does mean the temporary ending of the vision of possibilities. I guess this is where I lost my original 'eye sight' wishing I could turn back time to once again avoid reality. The only thing left to say is......Dear 'Jiminy', I stopped believing in fairy-tales the way you wanted me to......
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