Sadly I fell into a trap by not trusting myself, the one person I should have put more trust in. I made the wrong choice in a commitment, lost myself, and was able to regain a bit of me back, only more cautious. Trust is a gift that we, inevitably, lose to the wrong person, but like bumper cars, a simple thump can redirect us in the right direction.
Beyond the lies of my ex I have worked hard to trust the new people that come into my life, being told that I should give people the benefit of the doubt like the justice system, innocent until proven guilty. After a few more years, alterations to the plan of my life, I now have many different 'signs' that are 'bumping' me into what may be a new direction.
Last year I had planned to stay with my job one more year to save up enough money to move until I was let go as the company decided to downsize since they were not able to handle unforeseen complications. I do not know how many of you were taught this, but life does not stop even if you do. You cannot push fast-forward, you cannot rewind, and you cannot just stop life to secure a grip on reality. I figured no matter the path I take I would still have my friends.
I hate to say it, but sometimes the things we think are true never actually existed in the first place and the people who I thought were friends were the hypocrites that they criticized. I like to think that life offers the 'three strikes and your out' theory to everything, in which I have succeeded gracefully. I experienced a tightening of a relationship when one friend, who verbally expressed a deep form of love, first lied to a large group of people the reasons that this person changed the course of the individual's life. You cannot blame people for the choices you make and you cannot blame someone for not loving you when you did not love that person. This person claimed a change in life plans was not of the individual's own doing, but of the control of another. Shortly after this expression, the individual put trust in another, believing that I had betrayed the person's trust. One question I ask is if we were truly friends, as close as you say we were then you would know better than to believe the lie, correct? If you truly were a trustworthy person, you would not have lied to millions of people of how to betrayed another human being, correct? And if you truly were not a hypocrite, you would not be seeking the companionship of people who you never wanted to be in the presence of anyway, correct?
Now I am sad that this happened because I truly cared for the person, but I realize that this is a thump that I must now redirect from. The second strike was trusting the person who started the rumor about me to begin with. Just so everyone knows, there is more to telling a lie than the words that come out of your mouth. Your body and voice speak volumes in correlation with the words that you choose to use as you speak your lies, not to mention if you cannot face something directly then you might as well let it go and find a new hobby.
Counting the thuds, the bumps, and bruises I began to realize lies follow a chain reaction and those in association with the initial domino continue to fall after the fact. Translation? Those in association to liars do not need your acknowledgement, respect, or friendship either. We choose people in accordance to our values as we are more likely to respect them, but this often leaves us to find people come and people go. No matter the mere value of the time period a person is in your life, the person holds value to teach us a lesson.
When I was younger I learned the value of lies until I learned that honesty is more valuable and lies now leave me angry, specifically when they are meant to hurt another. So where does that leave me? Back to trusting my intuition and realizing that not everyone can remain in one place all the time and as I evolve, so do others around me using their own 'bumps' as guidance for their lives. We 'bump' and then we move in another direction. Whoever said life was a roller coaster misread the fine print that the ride was a bumper car with millions of milestones to overcome in ever which direction.
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