Good luck is hard to come by

Tonight as I was leaving a friened's house I spotted a penny on the ground.  I am sure most of you know that if you pick a penny up and it is heads up it means you are suppose to have good luck.  I rarely find a penny heads up, but I started to wonder if anyone would actually pick up this penny with the tail up since it was bad luck?  So I picked it up and threw it back on the groud hoping it would land heads up and give someone good luck.  I know it sounds weird even though I know every action has a reaction so I hope someone does get the luck.

As I drove home I started to think about my day.  It had been a bit rough.  For one I yelled at a friend of mine today.  I had been holding in feelings of something I did not approve of and finally I verbally vomitted it all over.  I yelled and sweared at this person which is completely out of character for me.  I just felt so strongly with what I had to tell the friend that I was not going to back down.  I value my friendships more than anything in this world and people who know me know how much they mean to me.  I would do anything until a friend would show me that I was not worth it to them, then I would stop trying. 

Before my ex I rarely got mad.  After him I learned what anger was and to the point where it affects my body physically.  The sad part about yelling at this friend is feeling that anger all the way in my chest.  People should not be used and have no right to hurt others.  I am extremely protective of friends who are dear to me to the point I would do anything for those friends not to feel pain ever again.  I guess I am learning that sometimes a friend does not care if that friend loses you.

So beyond my yelling and exposing information that I had been holding in, I did find some excitement.  I received my developed pictures from my brother's wedding. I love pictures and I love looking at them over and over again.  However, how do you catch an exact moment in a picture.  You can't, just the memory of it.  The pictures reminded me of things I missed, things I did not understand, and things that are unexplainable.  I miss having someone significant to share the special moments in my life.  I am not saying my friends and family are not significant to me, but they all have their own lives.  Sometimes life can just be lonely.  Some days I miss my past and wish I could push a rewind button and do-over, but then I would not be here....where I am obviously needed.