Surprise Magic

Some things happen in life as a surprise.  You can map everything out hoping that it all goes according to plan, but there is always a road block or a sharp turn.  I found my sharp turn and I think I am in the ditch by now.  I have to sit here and figure out how to get myself out.
Do I want to dig?  Do I want to push?  Do I want help and if so what do I want that person to do to help me?  So, here I sit pondering what would be the most efficient way to get myself out of this sticky situation.  I did not expect this to happen nor did I expect to feel this way about the situation.  Figuring that after so much time I would follow my instincts this time.

So I took a different path than normal, but some how ended up with the same ending.  How does that work? How is it that I got so off track that I ended up right where I started?  It is because I am not like everyone else, my mother told me so when I was younger.  I know you are reading this thinking, "That's what everyone's mother says."  If this is your thought then you do not understand.  Let me use recent encounters as an example.

I met someone who seemed to like me for me.  It has been at least a year since I ever felt that way or IF I ever felt that way.  I was called 'beautiful' (joke, right?), he wanted to know me (unlike someone in my life who likes to call himself my friend), and he was worried more about me than himself.  The sad part is that it all feels like a dream and I cannot tell you without crying.  As you read this I am sure you understand what it feels like to have someone hold you so close that the rest of the world does not matter, you feel safe for a change, not wanting to move in fear it will all be lost. 

My eyes close as I think back to when his lips touched mine.  It was the softest touch that surged electricity through my body as I began to float up to cloud nine.  Those were the first lips to touch mine since my abusive ex and nothing,  yes I mean nothing felt like that one, two, three moment in time.  The clock ticked in the background, kids screamed at their parents, but I did not hear any of this as I was held frozen in my own time.

It is amazing what a little magic can do for your life.  Right now it is gone....I miss it.  Instead tonight I got a lecture from someone  telling me how my opinion does not matter and he is right.  Why waste your time pretending that you want to know what I think, feel, or what my opinion is if it never mattered in the first place?  Maybe I should contact Peter Pan and Tinkerbell, second star on the right til morning.......


He touched my chest before I died
The Queen had taken what was left
Somehow, somewhere it was returned
There was no option,
It was to be forever with no looking back

He had her defeated and spared the ticking device
The organ was hard and held solid
The lips gentle touch brushed even,
the liquid dripping down his hand

He knew where it belonged
the clock was ticking
but.............

it was too late.



"Slipped Away" by Avril Lavigne