This week my English class ends and I lose my night job. This may sound funny, but I am proud of myself. I needed to concentrate on school. My financial aid depends on my GPA and with the second job gone I will be able to improve my grades leaving less boundaries as far as what I can learn in a short amount of time.
With more time I will also be able to write more and hopefully keep up with the writing market. I have had so much inspire me this week. If I had time to write it all down I would. One thing that surprised me and touched my heart was when a friend told me that I '..never cease to amaze him.' I did not know what to think of this statement. My goal in life is to inspire and better people because that is the same standards I hold for myself. I believe there is more out there for everyone and who am I to hold someone back?
So I wondered how I could possibly amaze someone and if more than one person feels this way. Something backfired this week though. Someone amazed me, actually more shocked me. You are going to read this and wonder 'Why is this so shocking?' Let me warn you that everything in my world has flipped and I am surprised that even though it is all shook up nothing has falling apart completely.
There is someone in my life who calls me 'beautiful.' Let me explain the shock: I just met this person not that long ago and this person has not been my friend as long as others who have said I was 'beautiful.' To this day I sit here trying to figure out the connection how what I see in the mirror could be referred to as beautiful. I do not see it. Now do I believe it? No I do not. Can I act like I do? Yes, I am a very good actress, but still does not replace the truth or what I have known to be the truth.
So I waited knowing that in a short time it would be gone. That is how situations like this play in my past. It almost happened until we hit the safety net. It is weird having someone say that this person thinks the world of you, that this person misses you, and to have that person's arms wrapped around you without the weird 'is this right?' feeling. I chose to go with it and ignore analyzing much. If need be I walk away, but for now I will not.
Am I really amazing? Maybe. Do I keep amazing people? Hope so. Is it just me being me or is it just the situation? Hope it is just me. I think people are starting to realize that I like to have fun. People do not see life as fun, but a structural institution like the army. I guess I figure if I did not have fun or enjoy this life then I wasted what was given to me and that would be rude.
Dear N,
Thank you for your compliment this weekend. There is something about you that always seems to inspire me.
-IVS
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