Forgotten purpose

As some of you may know, I have gone back to school to improve myself.  I was doing my homework today and started to think about my blog here.  I have not touched it too much because of my busy schedule, but instead of being objective anymore it has become personal.  I started to become a little conerned because that was not the purpose to begin with.  I took a few minutes to think back to what I have written and actually became proud.

My year has been rough yet I have somehow managed to stay focused on things I want and deserve in life.  Lately, since my anniversary is coming up, I think back to what was happening last year during this time.  I think about the emotional pain, the mental pain, and the physical pain only to thank God that I did not lose myself completely.  I believe I am here for a reason.  I now have people whom I can call friends, I do not have to be caged up like an animal, and if you have kept up with my blog you have been on my journey with me to recovery.  It is for this reason that I am proud I was not objective. 

These entries may not mean much to everyone, but sometimes seeing into someone's mind and what they are going through only expands upon knowledge.  Sometimes just acknowledging that an issue does exist is all it takes.  I know some like to keep issues quiet in fear of judgement.  I know some do not want to deal with issues.  What happens then because the issue never disappears?

Recently I got a different kind of acknowledgement from a friend.  This person told me that I scare him/her because of the potential of hurting me after everything I have gone through.  By this person saying this I realized that I am sure he/she is not the only one that feels like this.  Let me just say that pain is inevitable, but it is what you do with it that defines a relationship (intimate, friendship, etc).  I know I am not perfect and I will probably hurt someone even though it is not on purpose. I actually already think I accomplished this in the past week.  I apologized because I did not know what I had said hurt.  My understanding from the conversation we were having was that it was all a joke, but unfortunately it became more.

So with all the potential hurt why do we keep trying?  Human nature?  Growth? Understanding?  I know, because with the bad comes the good and life becomes the wildest roller coaster ride we can take.  If you can handle it you will eventually let go of the handle.  If you cannot, you will continue to hold on and potentially miss a little experience even though this is not bad either.  I choose to let go.  How am I going to feel everything if I do not risk everything at times in my life????