Over flow of 'Mommy and Me'

They say that at my age the clock starts ticking and some days when I spend time with my niece I would agree, but other times maybe not so much.  I wonder if this is wrong thinking stereotypically that my life should include being married and having kids.  It sounds so June Cleaver to me.  I hate to say that with marriage and kids I fear losing myself a bit.  There are some days I miss the girl who took a risk, she would dance in the rain, had an interest in sports cars and motorcycles, and dreamed of traveling around Europe specifically Paris. 


I guess I could say I met a fork in the road and changed my path.  Every now and then I look back and feel as if I abandoned something, something that was really important to me and I might unintentionally forget someday becasue it will have faded away.


I'm not saying I regret the change or that I dislike my choice, but maybe I wish I could have taken part of that girl with me for the trip, a companion who understands where I come from.  I do want to have kids.  I don't want to be one of those mushy moms where we have to take a picture every second of the kids life and has the intellectual conversations on bottles and diaper rash. 


I want to be a mother who opens a world for her children.  I want them to know about their parents past and learn.  I want them to be well behaved, open to new thoughts, accepting of difference, have an appreciation for opposites like sports and music.  I want them to have a gift of their story only known to them and their parents written down for them to remember. 


I write this and think back to when I was young, climbing tractors, riding on hay bales, taking care of the animals, the bridge my mom and I walked down to look for frogs, how I visited my grandparents and learned to sew from my Grandma, the move to a different state, the beginning of an end, the war that provoked my physical pain, my independence, and my trust.  I share these flashbacks knowing anyone reading this will not understand my memories, but maybe understand the appreciation of change.


I will find that girl I once knew only she will hopefully be teaching her daughter cartwheels under the apple trees and watching her son play football.  I know she will be there passing her experiences to her children and showing them not only the real world that we are obligated to live in, but also the world in a magical perspective.


P.S. This is what happens when you find many blogs with.....Mommy and Me