The Purest of Loves is in Innocence

This week has been hard for me as I realize the cost of mistakes.  My mistake in trusting the wrong person cost me two things I love the most in the world: my dogs.  I know many people would say that 'Well, it is only a dog.  It is not a person,' but what those people do not understand is that like a humans, pets have their own personalities also and realize things that we probably cannot fathom. Hell, I can only imagine the secrets my dogs could have told you.

I think back if I had not screwed up I would not be where I am in my life and would have been able to care for my dogs.  Recently I had to let go of my dog Charlie because I could not care for him financially and if I did make up the finances I did not have the proper time for him.  So I made the hardest decision of my life and let him go knowing this is better for him even if it does not feel better for me.

For the past few days, I have cried and slept out of pure depression that something is missing from my life. I do not feel whole.  Actually, I have to laugh as I have become a dog stalker. :P I watch the humane society's website, waiting for his picture to disappear so I know that he has found a home.  I felt that I abandoned him as he had been returned to a shelter before I adopted him and when I needed him, he tried to protect me from being physically abused by my ex and this is how I repay him?  No, this is how I repay him by giving him the opportunity to live with a family that can better care for him.




Charlie (Click on the link to see full profile)

While dog stalking, I found his profile one day noticing that an actual picture got posted.  Still feeling regretful for what I did, I noticed he was smiling, a genuine smile I had come very accustom to seeing on a daily basis.  I still watch over him from afar learning a little bit each day what true love is.

True love is innocent and pure.  It is not complicated and feels right as if it is perfect just the way it is in all its imperfections.  I am not saying there is not going to be complications along the journey and I am not going to say there is not going to be bumps and bruises from the battles, but it is something that is strong enough to withstand the storm.  Now I may know this in my head, but that does not make it any easier for me to accept from the people who are coming into my life.  I caution my trust and walk the fine line to 'expect the worst and pray for the best,' which I have learned may keep these new people at arms length while prohibiting me from experiencing something I deserve as well.  

So I come to the conclusion that love is actually simple.  Charlie was the simplest thing in my life, yet complicated in that I had to find the proper time for him.  I still love him dearly and pray someone, somewhere will be able to love this simply innocent animal as well.