Random Admiration

I came across a situation this week that shook me up, but in a good way. I am active in preventing domestic violence and this week the local shelter was going to have a vigil to remember the victims.  Unfortunately the event was cancelled. It actually broke my heart.  

To be honest April and October are very hard months for me. I wish I did not have to admit it, but I still have nightmares of getting kicked and all the pain that came with it. I know some will think that after a year you should be over this stuff.  All I  have to say is that you will never understand until you have been there.

So the vigil gets cancelled twice and part of me thinks this is good because I would have cried. Things have been hard this year with certain expectations not met.  I did not ask anyone to go with me because the year before I walked alone. I walked proud because I was able to.  I found out later a friend was going to join me this year. I don't know if I could have handled the tears in front of this friend, but sometimes in life you need to be completely honest.  It was this small gesture that made me realize how close we are and how much of a best friend this person is to me.  I guess what makes me admire this person so much is  because there is the honesty and this person knows who he is on the inside.  I do not have to question whether something is being hidden from me or if this person is lying to me.  There is actually a lot of comfort and security in just being yourself.

This also made me think of another situation.  Long time ago in college I used to work for the campus dispatch.  One of the guys, I realized too late, had a crush on me.  I remember not being able to go home for the holidays so he brought the holidays to me.  He stayed with me at the campus and even gave me a gift. I remember feeling a bit awkward, but realizing how much he had liked me.  Again, there was nothing hidden, things were just the way they were suppose to be.

I sit here now thinking how lucky I am, but how tough I need to be.  Someday maybe someone will appreciate how I am and admire that as much as I admire my friend.