Bleeding Heart

I found this piece and wanted to share it.  It is a piece that touched me and made me want to cry knowing that this actually exists.


   The relationship had all been a lie.  Some people can be friends and some people become more than just friends.  I was the more than friends, but with no meaning.  It is interesting how you can be around so many people and with one look you disappear.  That is how I became a ghost that one unfortunate night.  I saw how maturity coward below sexy.  I saw how age and experience lost meaning to innocence.  I saw how he had once said I was beautiful as his jaw dropped to the floor and his eyes gazed deep into her.  He loved her.

   He loved her like I could have loved him, but that did not matter now.  It was that moment I knew I had to run away.  There was no stopping or time to turn back.  All those times and 'special' moments together were none existant as he looked at her.  I knew I had made a mistake.  I have warmed up to someone when I swore I would never chance my heart again.
 
   A heart is a fragile organ that must be taken care of, but when broken it repairs itself with scars.  I did not want mine anymore.  I could have cared less if someone had taken a knife and ripped it out.  As I walked home I pictured over and over how he had been in a trance not noticing that I had even left.  He did not see the old man hanging out of the trash trying to get my attention.  He did not care that the circus lady with a beard asked me to come home with her and be her lover.  He just did not care anymore.

   After that night I decided I should not care as well.  To prove to myself I would not fee anymore pain I brought out the blade that I had once used in the past.  I had a history of self-mutilation, but had thought I was set enough that I would not harm myself again.  Unfortunately, I found this pain to be unbearable.  I tried to cry.  I tried to weep, but nothing would come out. 

    I held the blade firmly as I lay on the bathroom floor hoping and praying my pain would go away.  Sadly it worsened.  I stopped dreaming for those few minutes as they slowly passed before my eyes.  The room grew dark as my body went numb.  I did not feel the blade as it touched my skin.  I did not feel the crimson liquid drip down my arm.  I did not notice the drenched rug until my friend came into the room.

   I cut out of my trance and began to cry because of how sad the blood looked on the floor.  My friend began to cry knowing that I was in pain.  I could not stop crying, barely breath, and prayed my eyes would close forever. It may not have been the end of the world, but knowing that every time he was with me he was actually with her showed me how much I meant to him even as a friend.

   I would like to say things got better, but like any story they have to get worse before they get better.  Some understand pain and some need to know that within others this pain never really goes away. 

I knew someone like this before.  She is still a friend of mine.  I know right now she hurts and I wish she did not because she is a very special person.  I hope she realizes this after she reads this and looks at it from a different perspective.  Please, be happy and dream again.  I do love you.