If I only had a..........

Sometimes you have to say things without actually saying them.  People inspire in different ways and I still believe everyone needs to know when they have been that inspiration.  Some things are misunderstood, some things are passed, and sometimes when things just make you happy in a dark world or a dark moment you need to realize you cannot give up....just yet.

To a dear friend,

I am hoping you read this and understand even though you will not say much to me right now.  Maybe things are hard on your end, too, but I am not for sure.  I was honest with things I did and honest with things I said. Nothing was ever fake, but I regretted it because I did not intend to feel anything again.  We had both agreed this was unplanned, unforeseen, and not expected.

Everything was fun in games once until I changed my mind about something.  Then you changed.  I felt like this result was from me because I was the only changing factor.  I still feel like there was something wrong with me because the only thing I can change is me.

Some things are not meant to turn out a desired way, but they are meant to be whatever it is they were.  Maybe the cosmos were trying to tell me I got off track? lol.  Maybe I had some bad Karma left behind?  Maybe I got distracted and needed to refocus?  So I think I have it figured out now.  It was not meant to be the way I wanted, but I needed something to give me a push.  I needed someone to show me that maybe I was not completely iced over as I thought I was.  I believe you were needed for something else and I did not know it at the time.

Sure, I am a little hurt. Yes, I wanted to hate you to the point where my heart burst from my chest, but unfortunately when a person like you do not do anything that warrants anything negative it makes it hard to feel those desired feelings. 

Go figure to the fact that there is always something more to life.  Still wish I was psychic some days.  It could have made the downfall a bit easier.  So if I do not get my chance to tell you....Thank you.  Thank you for showing me that I may completely be the Tin Man after all.

-IVS