The Proximity Drug

The past week has been hard for me for specific life adjustments that are recurring.  I still have no idea why certain paths like this are made and repeated, but I am holding on to the belief that everything happens for a reason. However, on this journey I have come across some people who have kept me focused by implanting some stability in a positive attitude.  What I am referring to is the situation of being between jobs.  There is fear of worst case scenarios and then there is the appreciation of a little time to do what you have been wanting to do for some time, like write.

Last time this happened, I lost some extra weight, finished some documents for grad school, and found a new love in exercise.  I took it a bit further and joined a gym knowing that I needed a bit extra in my life instead of the same routine exercise for my body.  My goal was to just concentrate on my health, but somehow some people slipped under my radar.  Now if you know me well enough, you will know that I am not the type to trust others with the most vulnerable side of me (yes, that deep dark mysterious hole in my heart that is never to be understood-ok, that was actually a bit of a joke), but after a life made of lies I chose to step out of my comfort zone by giving a little trust to a person unless they provide some reason for a background search. However, based on the atmosphere of the gym I have felt comfortable and safe there whether I am alone or not.

So I established a membership with the idea to blend in and 'lose myself in the crowd' theory of self preservation until one person said 'hi' and asked for my name because I was new to a fitness class. I'll be honest and say that this happened a couple times with different instructors, which for me was hard because I no longer blended.  Instead, I stood out.  Another incident was when one of, what I like to call, desk jockies pointed out to me how often I would show up to work out.  Once again, more confusion on the fact that I was noticed and shock because it seemed just a little out of the ordinary that someone was keeping track of me.  

These situations had taken place after a month of membership and I started to question why these particular people were in my life because it could not have been by chance that I was noticed.  I somewhat thought a bit that maybe something or someone (depending upon your spirituality) was keeping track of me and that I just had to trust wherever I was going.  I sometimes still doubt the path, but like the idea of Hansel and Gretel, I follow my trail of breadcrumbs to the gym....because after I eat them I'll need to burn them off. (Had to add some sarcasm to that.)  

Anyway, I have become accustom to the feeling or almost natural high from the atmosphere at the gym and the people there.  These people have established what I will call "The Proximity Drug" into my life.  Proximity is how close you are to something whether measured in space, time, or relationship.  I know this may say a bit about my age, but this idea brought me back to an episode on Dawson's Creek where Pacey Witter told Joey Potter why he would follow her even when she return the feelings he had for her.  He said:

"I mean, when you like somebody, proximity is a good thing regardless of how they feel about you. Or don't, as the case may be."

Why is this important you may ask?  Well, it is important to me because those people at the gym make me better by giving me something better.  There are people there who I just want to see for only a minute because I can share an intellectual conversation with that I am not getting from other areas in my life.  There are people who kick my butt to get off it and tell me every time they see me that I'm going to be okay, which forces me to focus on positive things and look at life in a rough situation with a smile.  There are people who miss me in a form that is a bit on a professional side, but the knowledge that I made an impact is comforting because that person would notice if I was gone.  Finally, there are some people there who, out of nowhere, tell me more about them than I need to know only to hunt me down later because I am their "proximity drug."

Honestly, I do not know what this year is going to bring, how it will end, or if I will ever feel completely safe as I worry about my financial well-being, but somehow I trust in the strength of proximity because it has gotten me this far.  Sometimes we just need to let go so we are able to follow whatever is leading us because even though that journey is meant to strengthen us, it does not mean that we will not need a little help along the pathway.

The Skinny and the Phat of my life

In the last few months, many people have said to me 'Oh my goodness you look great' or 'Wow, you have lost a lot of weight? How did you do it?"  I am not going to lie and say I took some magic wand that tightened up my core and toned up my legs, but I am going to tell you the key ingredients to the answers of those questions, which someone recently brought again to my attention.  To be where you want to be physically is controlled by your mentality and steam powered by your heart, literally and figuratively.  Now please note that I am neither a doctor or a dietitian nor am I a trainer or anything applied to the medical field, but I am a person like every Tom, Dick, and Harry who is out there trying to make my life better for me because it is the only one I have.  There are no redoes, rewinds, or even fast-forwards.  There is only the here, the now, and onward.  I will tell you that I do a lot of research, reading articles from many sources on many topics to find the right chemistry that it take for me to excel and achieve my goals. 

About ten months ago, a friend of mine needed to lose some weight for his health and he succeeded, but his mind changed in how he saw people and more specifically food.  When he talked, it hurt me because he could not empathize with those who were overweight, even though he was there only months prior, and it not only annoyed me, but angered me feeling as though he was attacking me for being fat.  Now I brought this to his attention knowing and agreeing with his answer that it was my own inferiority blocking my path, as well as his cocky ignorantly arrogant attitude.  So with my own pain I focused on something my mother had taught me and repeated often in my life which is, "If you don't like something, change it."  Simple, right?  Not so much, but I was afraid I was going to lose a friend if I did not change because I would not be able to keep up with him.

So to start, I changed my mind.  I began by setting goals for myself that were obtainable and I could be proud of with my success.  I realized that for me to begin I had to get up and move around, which of course took time away from other things in life. Sadly, some days it seemed to take more work just to get started, but the fact is that I realized this struggle telling myself, "If you just do some walking today you will have made a difference," which it did.  This thought was actually motivated by a video a friend had posted on social media of a man's journey to better health.  The man started with yoga, so I kept it simple and concentrated on just getting myself to move whether it was the elliptical aiming for ten minutes at first and then increasing over the next few weeks, walking, or even increasing my flexibility through yoga.  Eventually I lost my first five to ten pounds.  I knew that if I was going to continue I needed to amp up my process, so I set a new goal including more time as well as incorporating healthier foods into my diet.  Now I could go on a tangent about food, but for the sake of this entry, I am going to digress temporarily as changing one's body is beyond just food and exercise.

Over the next few months, I discussed different techniques to better my body with my ultimate goal being to run a 5K.  My mother encouraged me to complete a 5K telling me I could walk it and still feel successful, but I told her that was not good enough being that in my eyes it was too simple and I needed a challenge to motivate me.  I picked up my momentum and focused, which if you knew me is hard since my mind wanders constantly about random things and how that moment of running could be used for laundry or school work instead, but I had to change my train of thought once again.  What was I truly doing in those minutes?  Why was I viewing this as a waste of time?  I thought it was a waste of time knowing I could be doing other things, but taught myself that like the finance world, I was investing in myself for the future.  That is right; my trip to better my health soon became a metaphoric banking investment that I was determined not to lose interest in.

Now if you must know, this journey started around Thanksgiving and Christmas, so you can only imagine how hard it was to choose to ignore all the good cooking and baked goods.  This does not mean that I did not eat anything at all, but made choices for smaller portions or even sharing desserts just to have a taste of a holiday goody.  I hate to say it, but on a journey like this, a person needs comfort and unlike some people, I did not revamp my diet to exclude ALL goodies.  Instead, I embraced them as I incorporated them into the rewards to my goals.  I carried this motivation into the new year investing in a scale that calculated more than just weight and a Fitbit, which gives a numerical estimate of what my produces.  I bought these because I wanted to see how my numbers worked and how to readjust them as needed.  I will admit that I became a bit anal retentive by tracking what I eat, how many steps I take in a day, how many inches I lose on any part of my body, my weight, etc., but I needed those numbers like steps to the top of a ladder to see that my small goals were being met on the numerical aspect.

My new year was going well until a very unlucky day, March 17 St. Patrick's Day, I was let go from my job due to downsizing while I was away on vacation.  I panicked about everything from food, to money, to bills.  So I turned my focus to my health and pushed myself a bit further since I really had no other choice.  The weight continued to go down while my body began to tone up with muscle allowing me to do things I had not done in a long time and not be scared of them in fear of hurting myself.  Walking became my new friend as I would invest hours a day, with no job, to freeing my mind while I absorbed the outdoors.  I lost forty pounds walking in a couple of months.  I monitored my steps with goals to outdo the day prior, but my biggest accomplishment was not allowing my emotions to dictate my eating habits.  If anything the scenario improved it, giving me time to focus on what I was actually eating giving me opportunity to revamp my eating habits and foods that I craved.  This actually set a new goal for me in sharing my experience with others, leading me to apply for a fitness instructor position.  I was not completely qualified with physical certification, but the passion to share the knowledge and experience I gained did qualify me.  I now want those certifications in addition to everything else I have gained.

To this day, I have lost at least seventy-five pounds and continue to lose with the understanding that some weeks I am going to plateau and others my weight number may not change because I toned up my muscle to lose inches on my body instead.  I also need to acknowledge that my health has been an issue and the product of peer bullying since my early elementary years that I now see how it feels to be in the healthiest shape I have been since my teenage years (and it only took me twenty years to figure this out).  My friend, whom I mentioned before, would monitor his progress through the BMI scale and though I keep those measurements in the back of my head, I know and understand that those numbers are unrealistic.  I have seen too many people compare their health to that scale only to see them end up hospitalized because it was actually not a healthy measurement for their body.  I, however, measure my body by numbers and correlate those numbers into what I see and how I feel that day in my own skin.  Again, most of this begins in the reprogramming of your mind, but it also takes a lot of heart.  Not only is your heart the engine for your to do many physical activities, and keeping you alive, but you need to be passionate about yourself.  To think, initial intention was to impress and attract a boy, but became a journey where I realize I deserve much more and better than him.  Mainly, I deserve me the inside that is now being reflected more on the outside each day.

So for those of you who continue to ask me how I did this, well I learned to focus and value myself a bit more than I had in the past.  Instead of completely putting all others before myself, I learned to include myself because I am no less than anyone else.  So if you are reading this, I hope you understand that there is no proper education in the method of my madness even though learning from others and what works for them can also be essential and effective in motivation.  Start simple until you are comfortable because once you are comfortable, you need a new challenge.  With that said....Anyone want to go for a walk?

Admiration and Inspiration (Robin Williams 1951-2014)

Today I am inspired to write about a great man who passed away on August 11, 2014 who, according to social media, left more behind than his immediate family, but a world full of admirers.  Through movies, quotes, and other popular methods of public display, Robin Williams became very personal to many people who related not only to who he was, but the character he portrayed in his work.

I find the event hard to grasp for many reasons, some personal, as normally I am not one to grieve in the stereotypical normal manner, but that is no indication that I care any less. This may sound cold or unemotional, but logically speaking we are born, we live, and then we die meaning at some point in time we just move on because there is no other choice, as we know that every human has a beginning and an end.  However, it troubled me that this particular death meant something to me as I was left feeling as though a small bit of me was missing something.  My thoughts continued to circulate through my head  trying to fathom how a man so well loved by the world could carry enough demons around to want to commit suicide (as currently reported).  Do not get me wrong, as I understand inner demons, but if you know the world loves you why try to end your life?

I am sure those of you who know me will say, “Um, excuse me, practice what you preach,” which I understand as my comprehension of the situation has credibility even though I am sure I am not the only one. For those of you who do not know me I will admit that I am a cutter or a self-mutilator who recently, meaning last twelve months, ran into an issue that knocked me off a hopeful path. I could say it knocked me insane as all logic to create a new path went out the door, but instead I fell into the commonly referenced ‘Dark Place’ and continued to bury deeper as I slowly began to lose myself.

One night I began drowning in that place that I not only lost logic, but all common sense and thought as my own inner voice echoed further away from my conscious leaving me helpless. I remember sitting in the shower with warm water running down my back while a blade slowly ran across the fibers of my skin, but it was not until the next moment that I remember looking down at my hand as my mind started to turn with simple thoughts thinking, “That’s a lot of blood.  It is a pretty red.  It will stop soon as usual.  It’s not stopping…the blood is not stopping!”  For the first time in all the times I had done this, I panicked because of the unknown result of what might happen if I ever reach this point again.  Three days passed before I told anyone or anyone noticed, however, that one person I told turned into two, two turned into four until my family was once again involved (they knew my dirty little secret.)

The moment came when my roommate assertively approached me about what I had done to myself starting out quiet until the anger began to pour from her eyes through her tears showing the most concern I can ever remember seeing for my life.  Seeing her upset in front of me left me surprised as she began to put into perspective her fear of finding a dead body in the apartment, the damage of how it would affect her and how she would miss me.    

After our talk was done, I called the source of information not angry that she told my secret, but to thank her for her big heard since she was caring enough to take a risk even though I had only intended to tell one person.  Over the next couple of days, I realized she risked telling confidential information for our friendship and for my life, so why could I not take a risk?  Now I am not perfect as I still have dark thoughts, but I have faith in people close to me that I can call out ‘MAYDAY’ and they will try to be there.

 

So yes, I understand the pain even if it is not the world that loves me, but that is not the point.  After my incident, I had to find a purpose, which is the point of this entry as it is this idea that reminds me of Robin Williams.  I have always wanted to inspire someone or maybe even save a life, so I keep exploring new paths in my life thinking, “I am not done yet” instead of “I am done with this.”  To see the impact of another person on people, even though that person may not be with us at this time is amazing not to mention that Robin Williams left me personally star struck that I hope someday someone looks at me the way many look or have looked at him.  I will say that Robin Williams inspired and entertained me in many ways through his personal life and the lives of his characters, who were each a separate part of Williams’s complete personality.  It seems to me many people who suffer from depression are able to portray characters more easily as they can separate themselves into multiple individuals unlike many others.   

One of my favorite movies starring Robin is What Dreams May Come, a concept on the afterlife that it has recently inspired me to read the book.  The movie has a point where Robin’s wife commits suicide and it is said that she is to remain in a ‘special place’ forever for what she did, however, Robin travels to this place to save her risking the potential to fall prisoner to world.  I hope this is not really the case and if so I hope there is someone to save Robin Williams as he has given so much to the world around us, putting everyone and everything else before himself, which is something to be admired in a person.  He was someone you may never have met even though I am sure that many of us feel as though we have known him for many years through funny characters (Mrs. Doubtfire-1993), serious characters (One Hour Photo-2002), and playful characters that remind us to let loose and be a kid again (Hook-1991).  I look over his accomplishments and the memories he brought hoping someday I could be half the person he ever was.

So I will end this entry with an ironic line from the movie Hook, which is a quote from J.M Barrie's Peter Pan, "To die would be an awfully big adventure."

 

Patron Etiquette

Many parent with children these days are taking to social media, like Facebook to criticize businesses with service such as restaurants or hotels.  The topic of choice is what the parents describe as bad service not realizing the real issue in mutual respect.

A restaurant, for instance, is a place where people go to enjoy a meal.  Some may be fancy or you could possibly classify fast food in this category, regardless each business deserves respect as much as the patrons that frequent them.  These parents describe that just because they are asked to quiet their child or provide some sort of entertainment for the child that the business is mistreating them.

For these parents I understand your mama and papa bear instincts kick in and you get defensive feelings that no one has the right to tell you how to raise your kids.  It is true no one has the right to tell anyone else how to be a parent unless there is some harm or legality reason to intervene.  However, the owner or manager has the right to request respect for their establishment as well as your request for your respect.

A business is an investment and a life support for those working there as well as the owners who may also have children.  I see on Facebook most of those patrons complaining do not consider this idea.  Well beyond the ownership and financial support, these businesses need patrons, just like you to frequent their establishment.  Did you ever consider that your child's screaming, banging or loud noises may be irritating the other patrons who now either have/will complain to the manager about your child?  Did you think that because of your child’s behavior that the business may lose the business of other patrons?  What if you were the manager and you have five complaints against an unruly child, would you risk losing the five patrons or the one family with the misbehaving child?  I know, who would have thought that your complaint on Facebook was inaccurate because you only thought of yourself and the manager when there are three parties involved?  How rude of you to be so selfish.

Let us take a different angle for the parents to think about.  What if there is a loud obnoxious drunk yelling, being rude to the staff if not crude to them, and banging on the furniture, would you not want the manager to speak to the person about his or her demeanor in that particular setting?  If it were a restaurant, would you not request a different table or even go to the extent of asking the repugnant person to be removed?  Many of you would say ‘yes’ because that person is not only disrupting your meal, but is also an irresponsible influence to your child.  Well, is it not irresponsible of you, the parent, you allow your child to act like the drunk and disrupt the meal of other people?

I guess out of respect for other patrons, who would like to enjoy their meal without the loud noise, I would teach my child some manners and follow through on disciplining them to validate my argument and complaint against any mistreatment from a business.  Without that, a person is just another bias client with sour grapes looking for revenge in the most childish manner and worst example for their children.

The thing is that there is a time and a place for everything and everyone so be mindful of where you take your kids not just because you deserve the rightful service as a patron but because the guy next to you deserves it as well. 

Travelling the High Road

In the last couple days I became conflicted with an issue that distracted me from my everyday normalcy, leaving me to question the true meaning of ethics and who has them.  Let me start at the beginning.

I am currently still in attending school to obtain a degree and in each class we have Learning Teams, which is basically a small group of people with whom you have to do a group project.  Our weeks start from Tuesday to the following Monday when the team assignment is due.  One person on my team took the initiative or the lead to start this week's project and everyone agreed to it, meaning myself and the other two members.  Then on Sunday, less than forty-eight hours from our assignment's deadline, one member decides he needed to change how we were doing the assignment.  I had a problem with this because he did not think his strategy through.  The team member that started the project was busy at work most of the weekend and said she would not be available much to check the assignment online.  The other member was, at that time, in the hospital sick so she would not be checking the assignment often.  I had half of my part done, which had already taken a couple hours and also had other obligations that required my time.  So unless this individual wanted to write the assignment alone he should have mentioned something earlier so modifications could be assessed on the assignment even if he had already agreed prior to what was initially set up.

Here is where my questioning started.  In a professional manner I told him that it was rude for him to change the assignment on the team when people were missing and would not be able to check the assignment to give them sufficient time for them to finish their part.  I asked him next time to change things earlier and then to clarify parts on his changed assignment as I did not understand exactly what he wanted.  Instead he got mad, deciding that taking a personal 'jab' in my direction was most appropriate for the conversation.  Two things popped into my mind after he posted his reply.  One, how is your post following the school's code of ethics? Two, I wanted to know what gave him the right to think that his idea was superior to the rest of the team that he had to degrade members when they challenged him.  I looked up his profile to find he had two BAs, an Associates degree, and a Master's thus far.  I am going to shake my head at this one.

I could have replied immaturely, matching his demeanor and level, but I firmly stated that next time he wants to change things to do it earlier to allow sufficient time for change and quality in the assignment and to clarify his idea.  Instead he digressed and removed his outline/ideas.  The only thought I had was, "How childish?"  

In this scenario, it is funny to me how someone so "smart" could be so "dumb."  Let me try this again, a person who is scholastically intelligent does not always have common sense or common decency.  I would  hope a person of his intellectual stature could have been mature enough to at least said something to the effect of, "I'm sorry this is such short notice.  I would like you to do blah blah blah to your part.  Does that help?"  In a corporate business/organization is that not how a leader would lead?  To sit there and verbally throw a temper tantrum from a person with that much education saddens me.  Just because you may have more scholastic education or more education does not give a person a right to be rude and inconsiderate to others.

The event left me so angry that I discussed it with a friend who gave the response, "Well, remember that as you are soon to be one of those highly educated people [when you get your Masters degree]." All I have to say is, "Yeah and I will be smart enough not to disrespect others, hence I did not insult my team member."  I will say though, sometimes it is hard to take the 'high road.'  At times it can be really steep.

Sexual Intelligence

Tonight I learned a new term: Sapiosexual.  It sounds funny and it looks funny, but in my opinion holds a lot of quality.  I came across this term as I was looking up the possibility that one person's attraction can change based on personality or intellect.  A Sapiosexual is a person who is attracted, including sexually attracted, to another person base on their intelligence.

Now keep in mind this does not mean that a Sapiosexual is not attracted to physical attributes, but it is the mind that is the primary appeal.  I continued my research with nothing to substantiate the fact that looks change based on personality and mind except  from the people I associate with as they are obviously intellectual as well.  However, there is always that one 'mind' that, like the rest of the shallow modelizing world, would rather  be with a person, mainly sexually, based on physical attributes even though there is no intellect whatsoever.  Well, I found one of my friends in this godforsaken category to which I began to swear obscenities in my head because I had always considered that this smart person deserved so much more in life.  Unfortunately, this person just wants another individual to use in comparison so this person appears better than the individual. 

I hate to admit it, but an intellectual person is not a true intellect if you have to “dummy-down” everything around you so you look better.  Honestly, it just makes you look as dumb as the person you are with.  Therefore, now my tune has changed toward this person and I wonder how truly knowledgeable this person is actually.  A person of intellect pursues more intellect to keep growing and learning, so how can this person be sexually attracted to just physical?

I guess my downfall in all this is that I have a brain, I value people with brains, and I do not have patience for idiots, which is rightfully so.  In concerns to my friend, well, I guess I am wrong that this person deserves the best as you will not find the best of something in the shell, but deep inside.  Then again for someone who has only been a shell for many years, inside does not matter.

So where does this leave me, the Sapiosexual who values a mind.  Confused.  I contemplate how much I want to invest in something that will not make me a better person as that is what everyone should look for when choosing to surround themselves with other people. It could be that I have a high opinion and do not want to become one of those people who cannot have an intellectual conversation. I guess the next time I call a person shallow I will have an clearer understanding of what “skin-deep” truly means.

Diets

Today's topic/drug of choice is diets which we all know could lead into a bunch of different tangents as there are so many not to mention how people are probably doing more than one.  Of course diet can refer to what we eat, but when society hears the word diet it is thought of all the special foods that one eats in order to lose weight or be healthy.  Sometimes I wonder why people do not have more willpower when it comes to food, but then I have been on that side of the table...literally.  I have been the large girl all my life and as much as I embrace my personality people usually just see my physical build.  Let me just say high school was hell on earth for this.

Not the point the though.  I have grown up, of course, and become more aware of what I put in my mouth.  I also have to be aware of my mental state while becoming a healthier me as healthy is not just the physical attributes, but the mental as well.  You see, I have an addictive personality and I acknowledge that, but it means that I can become a bit obsessive with things such as weight control.  I have a friend who has the same issue, but sadly my friend has not come to realize when too far is a bit extreme and a person begins to look unhealthy...to everyone.

So while keeping my mind in check I started out small or at least with something I thought would be easy which turned out to be something that is a bit of a challenge.  I began yoga in order to stretch and relax my body while tuning into my mind.  Now I have taken a couple classes of yoga both giving me a completely different experience.  The first yoga class I took was a hot yoga class where the temperature in a small room is heated to 104 degrees Fahrenheit or about 40 degrees Celsius.  The idea behind the heat is to relax your body to assist in flexibility and encourage sweating which will detoxify the body.  My first class worked slowly into each movement with calming music in the background to leaving a person to focus on the stretch.  With each pose my body stretched a bit further than it was acquired to, teaching me that for the ultimate benefit I needed to exhale as I set into a pose or stretched further in my poses. The second time I went to a hot yoga class the instructor did not allow for a stretch and jumped from one pose to the next almost quicker than I could breath.  I understand that moving from pose to pose quicker burns more calories encouraging a bit of cardio, but for those who are looking for benefits that are long term in flexibility and movement would want to practice the slower yoga that concentrates more on breathing and stretching.  The latter one is the yoga I prefer as my body personally feels younger in comparison to years prior.

After I became able to move my body and not feel so stiff I encouraged more cardio.  My preference is the Elliptical as I can read and listen to music as I exercise.  Now using the Elliptical may be a simple way or even boring, but the key is variance.  I started out on manual level one and worked my way up to level five in a matter of weeks and yes I will stress WEEKS.  I learned from prior experience that moving too fast hurts and does not leave long lasting satisfaction.  the next set of weeks after and to this day I do interval training.  A couple minutes at a higher level, a couple minutes at a lower level and I change my resistance with different levels as well giving me plenty of options to not have the same workout twice.

With my workout I have lost over forty-five pounds and am proud of myself.  Now you must keep in mind that workout alone does not make a person healthier nor help a person lose weight.  Let's go into diet should we?  Right now I drink at least half my weight in ounces of water, that means I drink a gallon of water a day (and some days live in the bathroom :P).  It helps control my appetite not to mention that sometimes I am not hungry, but thirsty. I also now eat more vegetables and fruits than I have ever been accustom.  The funny part is some people think that they need to become a temporary vegetarian or vegan to lose weight.  I still like my meats, don't get me wrong, but I also still eat sweets or a bit of chocolate.  The difference in the ability to eat this is that I eat a very limited amount which usually amounts to one small piece of chocolate to satisfy my urge  especially during particular times during the year.  From experience I have learned the depriving the body of certain urges make it want more of the thing you are depriving it from so if you have enough for a taste you can satisfy an urge while still progressing to a healthy lifestyle.

I am sure if you are reading this you have considered vegetarian or vegan diet along with the idea of the Adkins, South Beach, Jenny Craig, and Weight Watchers diet.  I chuckle a bit at these now as I did a bit of research only to realize that when you pay for the food through these venues you are allowing other people to control your portions.  I mean, you paid money for someone else to control your portions because you could not.  If that is what it takes and you can afford it so be it, but I would prefer to use my money elsewhere and control my own portions.  If you want, however, you can pay me and I'll control your portions.  I could use the money ;).

I cannot tell you what to do or who to listen to because I can only tell you what I do and if you want to try similar techniques I hope they work for you.

1.  Find the proper mindset
2.  Start slow.
3.  Find something that works for you.
4.  Variance is key
5.  Learn to control your own diet
6.  Last, but not least....Put one foot in front of the other as the hardest part is starting.

GOOD LUCK!!