The Priority Factor

I have a friend who I value dearly was kind enough this past Christmas to give me a gift in support of helping me grow into my writing skills.  I was given a book with the idea that all writers get blocked, so the book supplies topics to be written about.  My challenge is to write as many times this year with the help of this book in hopes to develop more of an audience if not a valued audience.

Ha...value.  Such a twisted word both good and evil that lies along side priority.  Yes, today I am going to write about a topic that I refer to as the 'priority factor.' I have tried to discuss this with someone before, but unfortunately the topic is ignored since what I say is true.

We all have those people in our lives that are extremely important to us.  You know the ones I am talking about too.  These people are the ones that if they left your life for good a piece of you would die along side them, the people you need.  I have recently learned of someone who needs me more than I need of this person.  As I look down bashfully at my feet I will admit that it is true.  I see how this thought drives this particular person a bit crazy knowing that if I ever leave the individual's life that the one moment may be the end of what could have been a fairytale friendship.

Do I love such individual? Yes, as a friend whom I was able to relax and have a silly time with until the person stopped listening when I needed to talk or walked away when someone new came into that person's life.  It was brought to my attention today that when something new comes along, I am put on the back burner even though I am the one who is there when such person needs a friend.  What is ironic about the situation is these new people come and go, but I remain yet I am the one tossed aside.  I decided to devote my year to investing in people who invest in me, but in this situation it is extremely hard because I want to be the friend that I would want someone else to be to me.

The problem is that this last time I was tossed aside I moved on.  I found others who needed me as much as I needed them and put in the investment.  They are the people I can call at a moments notice with tears, the ones who will give me a true loving hug, or lend an empathetic ear without condescending what my feelings are or my view on a situation.  

So I left said person as did the new people. Do I need to write it out for you? Well if you have three people and two of them leave, what do you have?  That is right, the one, the only...cheese standing alone.  I do not feel sorry for the person nor do I want to change what our relationship has become because I know what will happen in the future.  There will always be a 'new toy' and I will then always become the priority that once was.

Honestly, it saddens me.  I care tremendously for the person and I am not going to leave this person's life, but to be fair to myself to love myself I am going to do what is best for me.  I guess to the said person (if you ever read this) I just want to say that if you want to be a priority in a person's life you need to make that person a priority in your life and not when it is convenient for you, but all the time.  Tugging on a person's chained leash is a great way to make that person realize you truly do not need them and they are there for show.  Maybe when your life is more under control will you be able to know and understand the  'priority factor,' but know that if you do not figure it out soon you will have lost me as your 'go to' person (not as a friend) and need to set someone else as your priority.