Hide and Go Seek

I do not know how to tell you this but...

That is usually how it starts when someone has a dirty little secret that they wish not to be told in fear it would ruin a life or some aspect of life that is valued.  Admit it, we all have them, but some of us learn how to suppress them trying to ignore what is truly hidden for as long as we can hoping that someday this tiny little piece of us disappears although it just hovers, existing in time and space.  I will be vulnerable here, since I have become known for this lately by some, and admit that I have a dirty little secret or two or a few more that I would like to keep all to myself.  Some of these secrets have been shared with others while others are just hidden from particular people or a particular person in order to save face so the fear and the intense pain do not effect a situation that is comfortable.

Then there is me, who sometimes happens to be too honest and sadly that can hurt you just as much because at times it is better to be in denial about things you think you want to know when in reality you do not want to know.  I did not want to know because I knew the answer and receiving confirmation solidifies every fear, kills every dream, and leaves a stain trying to figure out where to go from this moment forward. 

At this point a person has to choose to stay or leave and I NEED to leave to save myself.  It is sad especially when you have been acquainted to a certain lifestyle with the realization that it is not working.  Well, I guess I figured out where I need to go from here.

Out of sight, out of time

Just leave me here without a rhyme.

Some things to take or leave behind

I can’t look back, not this time

I’m cold and worn

With no strength anymore

I’ve given up on this

I’ve stained my hands

And since it is time to wipe this clean.

I reached out before to slip away

So now I leave and walk away.

Sometimes there is just less pain that way.