P. Michele Talley and a cheater's excuse

*Warning: post will contain highly sarcastic comments that may be viewed incorrectly. Please note that if you are not fluent in sarcasm you might as well stop reading here....here.....and here. Comments are meant to prove a point around untold truth.  Please also note that until you have authority for something it would be in your best interest to either A) Get experience or B) Do your research on the topic very thoroughly.


Earlier this week I read an article by P. Michele Talley, an author I am not impressed with at all. In a bio I found the author tells about her experience as a newlywed and how she can be viewed as a 'big sister.' I was still puzzled why she would call herself a guru.  Have you been married more than once that you have a lot of experience being a newlywed? What makes you the guru of being a newlywed?  From my short contact with the autor it does not appear that she would be the type to been married multiple times, but would also be a person who would invest in her relationship even if it seems a bit on the 'Cinderella' happy ending denial side of things.

The article that I read was titled '3 Things That COULD Make Him Cheat.'  I tried to fathom how one person could have control over another person.  We all have our own minds, our own control, and if there was any control over the other it would be due to the choice of the person who is being controlled.  Now that I've lost you let's get back to the point.  For the sake of this blog and the title of the article I am going to use men as the cheaters. 

The list is 1)Bait & Switch 2) Punishing/ Withholding sex 3)Gaining (a significant) amount of weight. I don't know about any of you, but my first thought was 'Wow!'. Then I asked, "Are you kidding me?".  So, I start to think about different scenarios, but this is my blog and I am going to be honest with people and use something that has happened to me.  Yes,  I have been cheated on recently.  On authority to speak on the other half I have also cheated on someone long ago. I decided to write a faux pas letter to the author.

Dear P. Michele Talley,
I read your article on the 3 things that could make your guy cheat and I would like to do my part and say I'm sorry.  I'm sorry that.......

.......when my * thought I was what he perceived to be 'naughty,' he would take away things i.e computer use, privileges to drive,etc.  It must have been correct then for me not to have the same authority over him when he was 'naughty.'
.......I worked 2 jobs and paid all the bills because my * could not keep a job.  It must have been my fault that he had a temper and was not responsible enough to control it leaving people with no choice but to fire him for being unruly.
.......I was not Carrie Underwood and could not live up to what she was physically and status.  It must have been right for my * to tell me I was fat, even though I had been losing weight, and ugly.  I was so lucky to find a guy like him to have in my life.
.......He did not want to be intimate with me.  Considering he was already getting it from other girls and they allowed him to physically abuse them.  I should have appreciated the slap in the face and the hand marks left on my body because I would not have such abusive sexual relations with a man.
.......I cried in the bathroom at Goodyear while my car was getting an oil change for 15 minutes.  It must have embarrassed him to have such a wimpy wife who had just endured time being slapped in the face and then kicked in the side as she wept on the floor in the fetal position for her life as he declared being with her killed his dreams.

I'm sorry, but even though life is not black and white the promise of saying 'I Do' is.  I'm sorry that you are wrong.  I did not make him cheat nor did any other woman out there.  You gave him an excuse, a purpose to get away with something that you should know is wrong.  HE decided how HE was going to act and what HE was going to do.  I did not. There is a saying, "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach."  My question to you, is this why you have only published a cookbook?  I hope that you have enough confidence inside you to realize what the word victim means.  I hope that if that is not the case you find a therapist who can help you.  I hope you realized that people govern themselves and cheating is not gender bias.  I hope you realize that saying you respect some one's opinion and not standing up for something you wrote goes to show what kind of author you really are.

Wishing you the best,
IVS

P.S Your husband was great last night.  Thank you for giving him all the excuse he needed.


*Yes, that last part was sarcasm.  I could never really wish that on someone.



Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 (SAFE)
*Please get help.  You deserve it.